Phantom of the Opera:American Idol Style
by Janxspirit
Summary: The POTO cast is taken away to sing for American Idol! And show their 'interesting' skills... Back after a 2 year hiatus!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. It belongs to

Gaston Leroux first and foremost. I also

don't own American Idol,

Black Eyed Peas 'My Humps.' or 'My Funny Valentine.'

I do, however, 'own' Bella; Donna; and Maria.

And the idea for this Phic.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By:Janx Spirit

Audition #1

Dog, that was so, dog, like, dog

Maria looked at Donna. "Are you ready?"

"Yup!" Donna bounced up and down excitedly.

Soon, the pair were in front of the Grand Opera House once again. They walked inside to face the crowd.

"Guys! We're going to all go audition for 'American Idol'!" Maria tugged at Erik's cape, as if willing him to come with her.

"Yay! Another adventure! I'm in!" Christine bounded happily toward the other girls, happy to get away from the set of 'Interesting Interviews' for once, to be somewhere else.

Erik grunted, "I'm not going anywhere with you moron's anymore."

Christine grabbed Erik's hand, "Please come with us Erik! It'll be more fun with you there!" She smiled at him.

"Okay." Erik said trance-like.

Soon they were on the set of 'American Idol.' Bella was there to greet them with three other idiot's and a gay dude behind her.

"HOO RR THAY!" Carlotta asked in her Italian accent.

"Okay people!" The gay dude came on stage, and made a pass at Erik,"I'm Ryan Seacrest, one of the gayest men alive, and these are the three judges,"He pointed them out,"Randy Jackson (no relation to Michael Jackson, thank God) Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell, and this is...," The crowd cheered,"AMERICAN IDOL! So let's get the auditions started. Each contestant will sing a song, except for Erik, who's decided to serenade me first!" He made another pass at Erik.

Erik made a face,"They hardly look like judges to me. And they should have better names, such as..." He pointed them out,"...Fatso, Duck Lips, and..." He looked for a good name for Simon Cowell, but couldn't think of one. He noticed all the black he was wearing,"Please tell me your not my re-incarnation, because if you are, I think I may have to kill you."

Ryan touched Erik's...shoulder..."Will the first contestant go?"

"I will!" Raoul Fopman cried. He was dressed in his normal pink Spandex suit, with the long hot pink rubber cape, and yellow boots, which were made of Latex, no less.

"Oh jeez, not again!" Erik yelled angrily. "What a God damn FOP!"

"Dog! Like dog! What dog are dog you dog wearing, dog?" Randy Jackson asked.

"Oh no!" Fopman cried,"It's Dog Man! One of my many enemy's!" He took out a stylish scarf, "Prepare to be whooped-" He put the scarf around his neck,"-By all that is FOPPISH!"

Paula Abdul (Duck Lips) became nervous,"OH MY OH ME! WHAT WILL WE DO TO PROTECT OURSELVES AGAINST FOPMAN AND WONDERBRA!"

Fopman looked at her with big puppy-dog eyes,"I didn't even introduce her yet..."

Duck Lips went on nervously,"BECAUSEIKNOWABOUTWONDERBRABECAUSEIMSECRETLYINLOVEWITHHERBECAUSEIMALMOSTASGAYASRYANSEACRESTBECAUSEICHOOSETOBEBECAUSEISAIDSO!"

"Oh, shut the Hell up already!" Erik marched over to Duck Lips and punched her out.

Randy Jackson bayed like a wolf,"Like dog! I can't dog believe that dog you would dog do dog something dog like dog! DOG!"

Erik punched out Randy too,"Say 'dog' it seems that you 'dog' are actually 100 dog. DOG!"

Then, just for kicks, Erik punched out Simon too, and proceeded to do the same to Ryan Seacrest.

POW!

Came the harsh blow of Erik punching Ryan Seacrest. But nothing happened, Ryan wasn't knocked out.

Instead he started to giggle,"Ooh. Mr. Tough Guy! Can you hit me one more time?"

Erik punched, and slapped Ryan what seemed to be for an eternity, but he still wouldn't go down. All the plastic in his face was preventing him from being punched out by Erik! Finally, Erik got so desperate, he went to Randy and attempted to throw him ontop of Ryan. This attempt wouldn't only daze Ryan, but it would also most likely kill him. But as strong as Erik was, there was no way in this lifetime or the next, that he would ever lift Randy 'Dog' Jackson.

"Dammit!" Erik walked off,"What a bunch of IDIOT'S!" He stood next to Christine.

Three hours later the judges were back up, and ready for the first contestant to sing. Raoul went up, but there was something different about him...oh! He was wearing a tank-top, and a miniskirt! Why didn't I see that before?

"Because you're stupid," Meg answered the narrator.

A...um...a huge...ahh...yeah! A huge kiwi hit Meg in the face!

Raoul pushed his hair back, "I'm ready to sing my song!" He giggled as the music started. And he started to sing in a high pitched girly voice, as everybody stared, shocked, and amazed...and utterly horrified...

_"What you gon' do with all that junk?_

_All that junk inside your trunk?_

_I'm a get, get, get, get you drunk,_

_Get you love drunk off my hump,_

_My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps,_

_I drive these brothers crazy,_

_I do it on the daily,_

_They treat me really nicely,_

_They buy me all these ices,_

_Dolce & Gabbana,_

_Fendi & NaDonna,_

_Karan, they be sharin',_

_All their money got me wearin' fly,_

_But I ain't askin',_

_They say they like my ass n',_

_7 jeans, true Religion's,_

_So I keep on takin',_

_We keep on datin',_

_I keep on demonstrating,_

_My love, my love, my love, my love,_

_You love my lady lumps,_

_My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,_

_My humps, they got you,_

_Spendin' all your money on me, and all your time on me."_

Suddenly, Raoul made the I-am-a-constipated-monkey face, and started to sing in a super low tone, that could still shatter the glass, and someone's ears. Namely Christine's. Poor Christine.

"_What you gon' do with all that junk?_

_All that junk inside that trunk?_

_I'm a get, get, get, get you drunk,_

_What you doin' with all that ass?_

_All that ass inside those jeans?"_

Bella pulled her pants up, which had been rung around her ankles just before, as was every teenager's in America was.

"_I'm a make, make, make, make you scream,_

_Make you scream, make you scream,_

_'Cuz of my hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump(Check it out)"_

Raoul changed back to his high-pitched pig squeal:

"_They say I'm really sexy,_

_The boys, they wanna' sex me,_

_They always standin' next to me,_

_Always dancin' next to me,_

_Tryin' a feel my hump, my hump,_

_Lookin' at my lump, my lump,_

_You can look, but you can't touch..."_

Ryan snapped his fingers,"Dammit! But I wanted to cope a feel!" Instead he looked.

"_...If you start, I'm a start some drama,_

_You don't want no drama,_

_No, no drama, no, no, no drama..."_

Meg stopped twiddling with her mega-ultra-blonde hair,"But isn't Carlotta the one who always starts the drama?" She looked to see Carlotta giving her the evil eye. Meg smacked Carlotta, and she went flying.

"_...So don't you pull my hand boy,_

_You ain't my man boy!"_

Meg pointed at Erik and laughed,"Ha! You just got served!"

"_I'm just tryin' a dance boy,_

_And move my hump,_

_My hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump, hump,_

_My lovely lady lumps,_

_In the back and in the front, my lovely lady lumps."_

Raoul made the bathroom face again, and started to sing the guy verse:

"_What you gon' do with all that junk?_

_All that junk inside that trunk?_

_What you gon' do with all that ass?_

_All that ass inside them jeans?_

_What you gon' do with all that breast?_

_All that breast inside that shirt?"_

"Did you realize that verse was only made up of questions about what a woman is going to do with her ass, 'junk', and breast?" Madame Giry questioned.

Monsieur Andre brightened,"Yes, very enticing lyrics," The he darkened,"Too bad that _thing_ is singing it..."

"_I'm a gon' make you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work,"_

Raoul went back to his girly screech:

"_Spendin' all your money on me, upon me, on me!"_

When Raoul was done, everyone was silent, staring at him as if he was a nut. Only Raoul thought he did a marvelous job.

Erik suddenly grabbed his chest,"I'm...having...a...heart attack...such terrible music...and the voice is as...horrible as the lyrics..." He sat down in a chair which magically appeared behind him(because we all love Erik and want to make him super comfy.)

"NO! ERIK!" Christine knelt down and touched the side of his face that wasn't covered by the mask,"Please don't leave me with this crazed out constipated Leprachaun!"

"Oh Christine..." Erik looked at her with those beautiful green eyes,"I wish that I had never listened to Rap in my entire life. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be dying right now."

Christine wrapped her arms around Erik, holding on for awhile. Erik immediately stopped having a heart attack from bad, evil rap music, Raoul's horrible dual personality voice, and the 'comfy' chair which was actually strangling him. He got up, and felt like a new man...except for the face thing, and the wig which he had decided to crazy-glue to his head, after many peopleCough Christine and Meg Cough had decided, for fun, to start taking his wigs off whenever they saw the chance.

Ryan clapped for Raoul,"YAY!" He turned to the judges,"Well guys? What did you think?"

Randy howled,"I don't know Blondie...I'm not sure if the Dog Pound wanted to hear that,"He looked to his dog pound. Only Erik sat there, with a black choke collar around his neck. "What do you have to say for this one dog?"

Erik looked at Raoul...and started to crack up. He was laughing so hard that tears started to pour from eyes. He had never laughed so hard in his life. Except for that one time when Christine had leant too far back in the Gondola and fell right into the water. It had taken Erik quite a bit to stop laughing and get to saving Christine. By the time he had pulled her out of the water, she had been soaked to bone, having a bad case of pneumonia, and she had spit out about two gallons of water...and that had made Erik laugh even more.

Duck Lips tried to lick her entire lips, which was actually physically impossible for her, "I THOUGHT IT WAS AN INSPIRATION TO ALL, AND I LOVED IT!"

Erik crossed his arms, and grumbled,"...you make one lousy CD, and you think you know what music is...Duck Lips...one of her songs was called 'Vomit'...if she keeps on ranting like that, I'll 'vomit' allover her..."

Simon Cowell made his COW(get it?)face, and said,"You're terrible. It was horrific. Like a knife was being jabbed straight through me. I hated it. Now go away, I don't want to see your stupid face anymore."

"Next contestant please!" Ryan said.

"But DOG! WOOF! BARK! HUFF! PUFF! AND I'LL BLOW YOU'RE HOUSE DOWN!" Randy shouted.

Ryan didn't understand.

"DUDE! DON'T YOU GET IT! LASSIE SAYS LITTLE TOMMY'S STUCK IN THE WELL!" Randy suddenly got up, and then got down on all fours. "WE GOTTA' HUSTLE HIM OUTTA' THERE!" Randy barked,"WITH MARIJUANA! DUDETTE! HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M ABLE TO REALLY BARK LIKE A REAL DOG!"

"Cocaine?" Meg suggested.

Erik cackled,"Yes. I want to see YOU get someone out of a well." He shook his head.

Randy sniffed the air, then set off.

"Wow. He's quicker on all fours." Meg gave a slutty grin, and Madame Giry gave her a good bitch-slap.

Ryan looked around,"Riiiight, let's go on..." He looked around,"Christine?"

Christine looked up,"Well, I wasn't really ready yet..."

Erik's heart attack started coming back. 'Not ready yet'? He wasn't ready to hear those words yet.

"But I'll think of something to end this episode, and then next time, Meg will go first."

"Okay!" Ryan sat in Randy's now empty seat to hear Christine's beautiful voice. Everybody wondered what Christine was going to sing, what she did sing shocked them all though. Especially Erik, who thought he was ready to die. Nine years of Hell to sing a song titled 'My funny Valentine'?

Christine took a deep breath,"I'm dedicating this song to someone."

_My funny Valentine,_

_My sweet comic Valentine,_

_You make me laugh with my heart,_

_Your looks are laughable, unphotographable,_

_Yet you're my favorite work of art,_

_Is your figure less then Greek?_

_Is your mouth a little bit week?_

_When you open it to speak, are you smart?_

_Don't, baby, don't,_

_Don't change for me,_

_Don't even change your hair for me,_

_Stay, little Valentine, stay,_

_Each day is Valentine's,_

_Valentine's Day,_

_Stay, little Valentine, stay,_

_Each day is Valentine's,_

_Each day is Valentine's,_

_Each day is Valentine's Day!_

Many people couldn't figure out to whom the song was dedicated for. The Vicomte? Her father? Erik? A person they didn't know?

Only Christine knew, and as soon as she saw everyone bickering, she turned her head toward Erik. He was looking straight at her, standing in a dark corner, and even for a genius, not even he was positive who the song was for. Christine walked over to him and smiled, "Did I do well?"

Erik narrowed his eyes, making them look like an almost golden color, it was very strange, the way he would cock his head, or smile, or cry. And his eyes were like a mood ring, always seeming to change colors along with his moods,"It was very interesting, I'll give it that..." He saw Christine sadden, and then picked her chin up so that she would look at him, and they smiled at eachother.

Bella jumped on stage,"Well! Until next time! Sayonara!"

Maria pushed her out of the way,"Ciao!"

The two crazies started to fight and ramble on. Donna took centerstage,"Next time, the rest of our cast will be auditioning, and you'll see how we get them to do! Until, then...Donna! Out!"

A/N: Well! This is the first chapter of the Idol...ing...er...yeah. So REVIEW! And if anybody reviews, I'll make fun of you. I'd like, please! For you to include who you want in the second round of judging, beginning now, even though we didn't get to everybody yet, but...oh well!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. It belongs to Gaston Leroux first and foremost.

I also don't own American Idol or 'Because I'm a Blonde', or Columbian coffee.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition # 2

Juan Valdez

The next morning was terrible. First, Bella, and the other two girls recieved a phone call telling them that their show 'Interesting Interviews' was to be cancelled unless they could get more viewers hooked onto it. They also figured out how the world was going to end.

Erik woke up with a terrible feeling. He didn't know what it was, but it was something horrible. It then struck him...there was no coffee left! And without coffee, there was no hope for him that day! Because whenever he didn't have his coffee, he killed someone!...Wow. He never drank that much coffee apparantly, if that were the case...

He went straight to his angel, "There's no coffee!" He whined, and stomped his foot like a two-year old having his Power Rangers suit being taken away.

"Really? That's not good..." Christine thought for a moment,"Oh! I have the perfect idea!" Christine turned away from him, stuck her middle finger, and her pointer finger into her mouth, and whistled.

Everybody that was passing in the hall stopped to:

a) Listen to the maracha's and strange rattle-snake noises that filled the air all of a sudden

b)Look at all the empty bottles of beer outside of the chorus girls bedrooms

c) Look at Erik, who was dressed in only a pair of boxers which had been given to him to borrow from Maria

d) Wonder why Maria had a secret stash of men's boxers

Suddenly, a little balding, Columbian man in a poncho the colour of throw-up, followed by a donkey with a huge ten-pound bag lying on its poor back appeared.

"WAT THEE HEEL EES TAT?" Carlotta asked.

Christine flung her arms around the Columbian man,"Angel of Coffee!" She let go.

The little Mexican Columbian man blushed,"Pleez. Christine. I mustard half toad you benty-ocho teas, mi hombre y Juan Valdez." The little man said in his broken English.

Translation: Please. Christine. I must have told you twenty-eight times, my name is Juan Valdez.

And we thought Carlotta had some serious problems.

Juan Valdez pulled a cup out of...who-knows-where, and dug it into the ten-pound bag that was draped over the donkey, the bag was filled with rich, Columbian coffee. He gave the cup to Christine.

"Mi brotter, Sancho Panza, seez 'Hola!' E seez e homes zee dunky eez heelpfell in mi joorny to El Dorado. I seez eat ees. Well, adios mi amore!" Juan Valdez started to trudge off.

Translation: My brother, Sancho Panza, says 'Hello!' He says he hopes the donkey is helpful in my journey to El Dorado. I see it is. Well, good-bye my love!

Christine watched him start to leave,"Gracias!"

The Columbian turned around, a twinkle in his eyes,"Ve Nada mi amore, butt I wheel nut bee leafing zo sun. I half decided two staid, so I can show mi talentoso in cantando-ing."

Translation: Your welcome my love, but I will not be leaving so soon. I have decided to stay, so I can show my talent in singing.

"That's wonderful!" Christine shouted with glee.

The Columbian smiled, and shuffled his sandaled feet away. Soon, the maracha's and rattle-snake noises stopped, but everybody was still checking out Erik in his boxers.

That day, they made their way to the airplane which took them to Hollywood, California. Everybody noticed the girls handing out fliers about their show 'Interesting Interviews,' and they didn't seem happy. Bella wasn't wearing her signature glasses, instead she was wearing contacts. Donna had gotten an 'F' on her History test, which she had never gotten in her entire life, and her red hair had turned black. Maria's blonde hair had been straightened, and she kept on shying away from everyone, instead of her usually out-spoken way. All three girls were also wearing plain black and white clothes. They had bags under their eyes, and when asked to start the show, they refused.

The cast looked at them as they sat down, they looked so sad! Everybody wondered what had happened to them. Maybe they hadn't had any coffee either.

"Welcome everyone!" Ryan started, and the crowd cheered,"Last time Raoul sang a..um..." The crowd booed at Raoul,"A..um..." The crowd still booed,"A..um...A BEAUTIFUL SONG!" He yelled over the crowd,"But, the judges obviously didn't like it."

One crowd member stood up,"I wonder why!" He cried out sarcastically.

"Right. But this is...AMERICAN IDOL! And today we will have a blonde bombshell singing for us! Meg Giry!" The crowd cheered as Meg was ushered onto the stage.

Meg chuckled,"This is going to be a good song!" She put the microphone to her lips, and started to sing:

_"Because I'm a blonde, I don't have to think,_

_I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks,_

_Don't have to worry about getting a man,_

_If I keep this blonde, and I keep this tan!"_

Erik snorted at the max stupidity of the song, and Christine pushed him with her elbow to make him stop. Madame Giry stared wide-eyed in shock. The only ones that really liked the song were Monsieur Andre and Firmin, who noticed that whenever the light from the ceilings hit her white shirt just right...

_"'Cause I'm blone,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_'cause I'm blonde,_

_yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_I see people workin', it just makes me giggle,_

_'Cause I don't have to work, I just have to jiggle,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_B-L-O-N-D,_

_'cause I'm blonde,_

_Don't you wish you were me?"_

Carlotta laughed,"NO."

_"I never learned to read, I never learned to cook"_

"It shows," Erik said to himself.

_"Why should I when I look like I look?_

_I know lots of people are smarter than me,_

_But I have this philosophy,"So what?"_

_I see lots of girls without dates and I feel sorry for them,_

_'Cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Nyah, nyah, nyah,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Nyah, nyah, nyah"_

"What a blonde," Erik told Christine. She was about to push him away, but stopped herself, and smiled at him.

_"They say to make it you need talent and ambition,_

_Well, I got my own TV show, and this was my audition:"_

Meg looked down at a script as she said this,"Um...okay..what was it? Okay, um...don't tell me! Oh...yeah...okay! 'Duck, Magnum, Duck!'"

_"'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_I took an IQ test and I flunked it of course"_

"I bet you did," Erik sat deeper into his seat.

_"I can't spell VW, but I got a Porshe,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_B-L-I-N-D,_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Don't you wish you were me:"_

"I'd like to say this is a memorable moment to be picked as Miss August. I'm currently a four-year student at UCLA, but I want to become a vet when I grow up, because I love children!"

_"'Cause I'm blonde,_

_B-L...I don't know!_

_'Cause I'm blonde,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah!"_

Ryan came onstage, and put his arm around Meg's waist. Wait...isn't he gay?

"Didn't I tell you? I am gay, but I like to touch women whenever they finish a song because I'm crazy," Ryan told the narrator.

Erik narrowed his eyes, and put his arms protectively around Christine,"That's it. You're not singing anymore."

"Well judges?" Ryan asked the three moron's sitting comfortably in their chairs.

"Dog! That dog was dog great dog!" Randy managed to spit out.

Duck Lips was nervous,"HOWBEAUTIFULBECAUSEITWASREALLYBEAUTIFULBECAUSEITWAS!"

Simon crossed his arms,"What a stupid blonde. I hate you, now go away." He looked away from Meg.

Ryan pushed Meg off the stage. She flew off into the orchestra pit where a bow belonging to a celloist went straight through her blonde head. How tragic...then she got up to sit next to Christine in the audience.

"Next is La Carlotta Guidicelli!" Ryan clapped as she came onto the stage, and started to sing:

_"I'MA AH BARBIE GEERL, EEN THEE BARBIE WOOLD!_

_LIFE EEN PLASTEEK, EET'S FAHNTAHSTEEK!_

_U CAN BREESH MI HARE, UNODREES ME EEVREEWHEER!_

_EEMAGEENATUUN, LIFE EES UR CREEASHUN!_

_CUM AHN BARBIE, LEETS GU PEERTY!"_

Ryan jumped onstage,"Give it up for La Carlotta!" He shouted, cutting her off, because some of the audience members had just died.

The audience was dead silent.

Next up was Madame Giry, because the judges had nothing to say for Carlotta. They didn't need to say anything:

_"You kick up the leaves and the magik is lost,_

_They tell me your blue skies fade to gray,_

_They tell me your passion's gone away,_

_And I don't need no carryin' on,_

_You stand in the light just to hit the low,_

_You're faking a smile with the coffee to go,_

_You tell me your life's been way off line,_

_You're falling to pieces everytime,_

_And I don't need no carryin' on"_

It was as if the entire audience, and cast froze as Madame Giry took a breathe.

_"'Cuz you had a bad day,_

_You're taking one down,_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around,_

_You say you don't know,_

_You tell me don't lie,_

_You work with a smile and go for a ride,_

_You had a bad day,_

_The camera don't lie,_

_You're coming back down and you really don't mind,_

_You had a bad day..."_

The audience cheered and clapped. Madame Giry had a rather nice voice for a fifty-year old woman. The song was sweet, and cute, and everybody liked it.

Especially the judges.

Next up was Erik. He was to end the show with his beautiful singing.

"Can I sing something from the Gothic French era? As in, my era?" Erik asked.

"Nope! It has to be modern day!" Simon called out, gleeful for the disappointment that dropped on Erik's face.

He looked around, trying to decide what to sing. His eyes finally fell on Christine's beautiful face, and he started to sing:

_"I sit and wait,_

_Does an angel contemplate my fate?_

_And do they know,_

_The places where we go,_

_When we're gray and old,_

_'Cause I've been told,_

_That salvation lets their wings unfold,_

_So when I'm lying in my bed,_

_Thoughts running through my head,_

_And I feel that love is dead,_

_I'm loving angels instead,_

_When I'm feeling weak,_

_And my pain walks down a one-way street,_

_I look above,_

_And know I'll always be blessed with love,_

_And as the feeling grows,_

_She breathes flesh to my bones,_

_And when love is dead,_

_I'm loving a certain angel instead." _

Everybody cheered as Erik walked down the steps. The judges didn't say anything. They didn't need to. He really was an Angel of Musique. Christine got up, and wrapped her arms around him before he could sit back down.

"WELL GUYS! I GUESS THAT'S IT FOR NOW!" Bella's voice boomed. She was back to wearing her thick black glasses.

Maria's bouncy curls flew past Bella and yelled,"Next time The Perverts of the Opera will be singing!"

Donna's hair was slowly turning back to its flaming red colour as she said,"She means, Monsieur Andre and Firmin. Donna...out...and back to her original A+ self!"

A/N: Please...REVIEW! Or no third audition!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. It belongs to Gaston Leroux first and foremost.

I also don't own 'Let's get retarded in here' or any songs that I might have ripped

off of in order to make The Angel of Coffee's song.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition # 3

Angel of Coffee

Maria woke up to yet another phone call, 'Interesting Interviews' had just been cancelled. She told the other two, and that day, they refused to go to the next few auditions that day.

The cast was ready, and The Perverts of the Opera went first:

_"Let's get retarded in here!_

_And the bass keep on runnin' and runnin',_

_In this context there's no disrespect,_

_So when I bust my rhyme,_

_You break your necks,_

_We got 5 minutes for this to disconnect,_

_From all intellect and let the rythm effect,_

_Apt to lose this inhibition,_

_Follow your intuition,_

_Free your inner soul,_

_And break away from tradition,_

_Everybody, everybody, let's get into it,_

_Get retarded, get retarded, get retarded"_

First Andre sang a line, then Firmin sang the next line, echoing Andre.

_"Lets get retarded in hah, lets get retarded in here,_

_Lets get retarded in hah, lets get retarded in here,_

_Lets get retarded in hah, lets get retarded in here,_

_Lets get retarded in hah, lets get retarded in here,_

_Lose control, all body, all soul,_

_Don't move too fast, people just take it slow,_

_Don't get ahead, just jump into it,_

_C'mon y'all, lets get cukoo,_

_Let's get cukoo,_

_Right now, get cukoo!"_

"Have they lost it?" Meg asked Christine, and Erik.

Christine nodded,"Trust me. They lost it way before THIS tragedy."

"But I thought this was a humor phic?" Asked Meg, confused.

Erik looked at her as if she was a mad-woman,"A humor WHAT?"

_"Oooooooooooooooooooo, yayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya,_

_So...just...bob your head like Epilepsy,_

_Up inside your club or in your Bentley,_

_Come now ya'll, don't correct it, _

_Let's get ing'nant, let's get happy,_

_Everbody get retarded, drop yo' body, bob yer' head,_

_Let's get cukoo!_

_Yeah we cukoo!_

_Let's...yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya." _

By the end of the song, the two had about three chorus sluts...oops... chorus girls, and ballet rats wrapped around them.

Ryan walked onto the stage,"Judges?"

Duck Lips went first,"THAT WAS THE MOST WONDERFULLEST THINGY EVERY!" Everybody tried to shut the terrible buzzing noise out of their ears. Randy went next.

"I dog don't dog know! Dog pound!" He pointed to the black cage, and everybody stared at in shock.

The dog pound which contained Erik wearing his black choker chain had been transformed. It had black bars now, with a black carpet, a shiny black piano, a black picture frame containing a picture of the beautiful Christine that was auto-graphed. There was also a black bed, a black tea-pot, and Ayesha sitting in her little black cat-box/coffin-looking/thing.

Erik stood, and grabbed the black bars which with-held him in his dark prison of night...of course he had made it to be that way,"YOU!" He pointed at the managers,"YOU!" He narrowed his eyes sharply at them,"YOU two are SOOOOOOOO..." Everybody waited for Erik to finish,"...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO **_DUMB AS HELL!_**" Then he started to laugh,"My managers are dumb!" He started to jump up and down,"Hahaha! You two are stupid!" He/It squealed like a little girl that had just been asked on her first date,"YAY! They're so stupid! So useless!I knew it! I knew it from the very start!"

Meg leaned over to speak to Christine,"That offer with Raoul starting to look bad?"

Christine glared at the blonde,"What are you talking about?"

"But you two are still together. First the mum, then the Persian, then the chorus girls, and even that, as she would put it, 'stoopeed' Carlotta knows about it," Meg whispered.

Christine stood up,"RAOUL AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE!"

Time seemed to freeze. Everybody moved in Matrix motion, especially Madame Giry who had just bit her own tongue by accident, and started to scream wildly with pain seering through her French mouth. What a cow.

Raoul stared at Christine,"But I thought...what do you mean we're not together?"

Erik stared at the two, then jumped even higher while crying out,"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" (Un) Fortunately he hit his head on the top of the black cage, and slumped to the ground in a sexy phatom-ish way, and fell unconscious.

The Angel of Coffee walked in.

"Mi hombre y Juan Valdez!" He corrected the narrator.

Yeah...whatever! The short little balding Columbo-Mexicano dude with his donkey hauling a ten-pound bag of coffee trudged in with his dirty brown feet, knowing it was his turn to sing...er...'cantando.' He walked on the stage, and Erik woke up, rising back again to his 6' 4"-ness, and sat next to Christine, snuggling his head against her shoulder, not caring who saw now.

"I made up a combination of my own song, and a few others I know," He stated before he started.

The Angel of Coffee started to sing:

_"Domenico, the talking DDDDDOOOOOONNNNNKKKKEEEEEYYYY!"_

Suddenly the donkey ran next to him, yet being weighed down by the HUGE bag of Columbo coffee was no easy task to overcome. They started to sing together:

_"And he could sing some really dirty sit!_

_He'd dream of his one true LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_

Juan Valdez winked at Christine, and she swooned in her seat so, that Erik had to take her in his arms. Don't get me wrong though. He was just fine with that.

_"And her name was GGGGGAAAAASSSSOOOOOLLLLLIIINNNNNNAAAA!_

_Bum bumbumbumbumbumbum,_

_What you doing Gasolina?_

_Ain't no Gas here to steal,_

_You owe me a quarter and dime for drinking all that gassy,_

_So instead, why don't you just-shake-that-ass-y?"_

Christine leapt onto the stage, and started to shake her ass, almost trance-like.

_"And your buddy, BBBBIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHHHIIIIIIEEEEEEE?" _

Meg got on the stage, and started to shake her ass, almost trance-like.

_"Yeah bitch. Just shake that ass, shake that ass,_

_Yeah bitch. Shake me some ass." _

The donkey took over:

"_HAW HEE HAW HEE HEE HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAW!" _

The Angel took over:

_"Because he's there...The Phantom of the Ass!"_

Erik looked dumb-struck,"What the-"

Ryan jumped on the stage, but didn't touch the Columbo,"Um...judges?" When none did anything, he picked them out.

"Simone?" He questioned hopefully.

The black-clad English man spoke up,"You...that...we...was...ugh..."

For once in his entire God-forsaken life, Simone Cowell hadn't known what to say!

"Simon!" He told the narrator.

What did you say Simon?

"No! Simone!"

Whatever you say...

"Um..." Duck Lips was only racked for a few seconds,"THATWAS-------" She fainted. Spit up. Died. Burned. Basically, everything that I want her to die from in real life.

"Um...Randy?" Ryan asked, looking to the big man.

He started up,"Like DOG! I can like so totally see where you're coming from, Dog. This was such a groovy choice, and...rrrrr...rowf!"

The audience looked expectantly at him.

"And...grrr...rrraaarrrrr!" Suddenly he stood up. Hair sprout from his back, and everywhere else on his body.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Meg and Christine screamed in unison.

Randy Jackson's face got bigger, he now had jaunts, whiskers, rounder eyes. Randy had just turned into a...

"A **_CAT_**?" Erik questioned in disbelief.

"A cat?" Everybody chorused together.

Um. Okay...anyway! Let's go on...no! Down you stupid cat! You're going to crush me!

All the chorus girls, and dudes went, but of course, we don't care about them, so what's the point of dwelling?

"Eh..hehehehehehehehehe..." Ryan laughed nervously,"So..now...we'll see who made it to the next round!"

The contestants who've made it are:

1. Erik...um...what's his last name?

2. Christine Daae

3. Meg Giry

4. Raoul De Changy...wait a minute...

"How did that loser get in!" An angry audience member shouted.

One of the studio producers were about to say something, but a bag chock full of 50,000 francs was placed in his hand,"The Vicomte De Chagny is the best singer in the world...and his...amazing...talent...has made this show such a success..." The studio producer then went to go buy some gum with his 50,000 francs.

5. The Columbo of Coffee

"JUAN VALDEZ!" He shouted angrily.

I know you are, but what am I?

6. Carlotta Guidicelli...oh crap...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Erik got up, and started to scream at the top of his lungs.

Um...wow...I would have thought alot more people would-

"HELP US DEAR GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everybody screamed at the top of their God loving lungs.

7. Madame Giry

Everybody clapped politely.

8. Ubaldo Piangi...huh?

Yes, it was true. There, sitting in a judges seat, and stroking Randy/Cat was the ghost of Piangi.

"Helllooooooooooooo!" He sung in his deep voice.

9. The Perverts...erm...managers

10. Me.

"What? Hell no, come on, that's not fair!" People started to chatter wildly.

A/N: Next time we meet, we'll be in Disney World. Yes it's true! The cast will meet...MICKEY MOUSE! And if you liked this chapter, I'll make sure Erik throws up on a roller coaster ride! Sorry if the lyrics from the Gasolina part weren't real...but...I can't speak that much Spanish, and I'm absolutely positive that in the song 'Gasolina' they talked about her ass...like...every five seconds...Which is annoying because I hate whores...um...no offense to any of you out there. Yeah, so...I should realy stop typing now...


	4. Trip through Hell PT 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. It belongs to Gaston Leroux first and foremost._

_I also don't own Disney World, or any of the characters there._

_That belongs to Walt Disney._

_**Phantom of the Opera**_

_**American Idol Style**_

_**By: Janx Spirit**_

_**Trip through Hell Part 1**_

_**Erik Mouse**_

"Woah. How strange." Christine entered The Gates to Hell...um! I mean... The Gates to the Magik Kingdom. A train passed overhead, and Meg grabbed Christine.

"Let's go there!" She pointed at the train.

"Um...hehehe...uhhh," Christine knew that it would be impossible to persuade Meg otherwise, so she grabbed Erik. "_If I die, you die..._" She whispered furiously, and the two were dragged off toward the train. When they got on, a strange fat man in striped overalls started to speak.

"Hello, everyone! I hope everyone has a good time here at The Magik Kingdom." The train started, and Erik spotted something he didn't like. A little boy and girl were attacking a huge mouse in a pair of weird red suspenders!

In actuality, it was just Mickey Mouse taking a photo with two kids, but Erik was Erik, and he took hold of Christine's arm,"We're getting off."

"EH!" Christine yelled, but it was too late. Erik took Christine and jumped out of the moving train. He grasped onto Christine with one hand, and onto a vine(which mysteriously appeared)with another.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Erik yelled as he swung wildly across the entire Magik Kingdom.

One little boy stopped and tugged on his mom's sweater sleeve,"Mommy! Look! Was that daddy?"

"Hmm...no, Billy. That was Tarzan..." The mother said, seriously doubting herself.

Erik landed next to a big yellow dog. He turned to Christine,''Me Tarzan...you Jane..." He beat on his chest, but instead he only hit himself too hard, and started to hack, and cough.

Christine slapped him across the face,"Snap out of it Erik, and besides...who's Tarzan?"

"Um...no one, dear..." Erik laughed nervously, then got up,"Quick we must go. Those two fools who run my theater will be missing you." He sang.

Christine slapped him across the face,"Wrong part, stupid."

"Oh..yes...right, sorry, it's this American air, I suppose it's destroying my lungs." He said, then he started to speak in French, and curse out all of the Americans, as all French people did.

Christine slapped him across the face.

"WHY ARE YOU SLAPPING ME, WOMAN!" Erik shouted in frustration.

Christine shrugged, "It reminds me of the good old days."

Flashback

"A-angel?" Ten year old Christine asked.

Erik started to laugh,"Hahahahahahahahahahahaha." He thought it would be fun to play a joke on Christine, making her believe that he was actually leaving her for good. Then he pop out and surprise her!

"ANGEL!" Christine yelled.

Silence.

Suddenly, a strange figure popped out of nowhere, and caught Christine from behind.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Christine screamed, and turned around. She swung a hand out, and made contact with something flesh-like and cold.

"AAAGGGHHH!" Erik screamed as he basically flew backwards. He ran off, then went to check himself in the two way mirror. A big red mark was on the side of his mask. Dammit. He'd just bought that one too.

Now you know why he never showed himself to her until she turned sixteen.

Flashback Done

Erik touched his mask...he needed a mirror now more than ever. Then remembered that Christine had actually smacked him on the side without his mask this time. Whew...waitaminute...how was that any better?

Christine got up,"Hey look! Pluto!"

"What-o?" Erik asked. He stared at Christine as she went toward the big yellow dog thing with the green collar. He glared at it as it wrapped its huge paws around her.

_"Say you love me every waking moment..."_ Christine sang, her eyes glazed over with memories.

Pluto started to sing. _"Say you'll share with me one love...one lifetime...save me, lead me from my solitude...Say you'll spend with me...each night...each morning."_

He turned Christine around to face him,"_ANYWHERE...YOU GO, LET ME GO TOO! CHRISTINE...THAT'S ALL I ASK OF-"_

Yet poor Pluto didn't have the chance to get to the word 'you' because Christine suddenly found a slit in his neck, and took the huge dog mask off his face. Woah. Like...total De ja vu. A scrawny man looked back at her. His big brown eyes staring, pleadingly.

Little kids froze and stared...and started to scream uncontrollably.

"AAAAAAAGGGHHH!" A little blonde screamed the loudest.

A brunette woman spoke up,"WHAT IS IT! WHAT HAS HAPPENED!...THOMAS!" She ran to the side of a little boy that could not have been more than six years old. She touched the fainted boy, when he suddenly started to chatter wildly.

"M-mom...Pluto...he's...not real..." And with that the boy went back to fainting.

Two men in white coats ran out. One had grey hair, and the other had brown hair.

"Oh NO! Walt! We're ruined!" The brown-haired dude said to the grey-haired one. Walt..well...he's actually the frozen body of Walt Disney, walked up to Pluto.

"Speak." Walt commanded.

"WTF!" Pluto demanded.

Walt Disney started to laugh maniacally! More maniacal than Erik himself! "It's ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **_ALIVE!"_**

"Erg!" Pluto grunted, as he pulled down a lever. Soon, he and Christine disappeared into the castle.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

"What's that noise?" Meg asked as she clasped onto her mother's arm.

"OH...MY...TOWER OF TERROR..." Madame Giry whispered loudly.

The huge golf ball from Epcot was coming straight at them!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" Everybody scrambled, and ran away.

Erik snuck into the castle, and started to track the two down.

_"Down once more to the castle of my doggy treats!_

_Down we plunge to the home of Cinderella!_

_Down that path which leads to Tinkerbell's powdery stuff!"_

Pluto dragged Christine to a place where seven dwarves were playing instruments.

"Yum. I LOVE the ones who can sing.." Said a dopey looking one who was bald, and wore green clothes.

_Like a gremlin..._Christine thought, but kept the idea to herself.

Christine was fitted into a mini white skirt, and a tight white shirt.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" She asked angrily.

Pluto growled, "Sit down, bitch."

"This isn't anything for a wedding! This looks like it went through the shredder!" Christine yelled angrily.

"Or the toilet!..." Bashful piped up, then quieted down when he saw the looks he was getting from everyone else.

Erik appeared suddenly. He had (surprisingly) lost his shirt, shoes, pants, and well...everything except for a pair of mega-tight underwear. ;) The dwarves looked at him as if he was mad. Pluto let Erik in the castle, only to set a crazed out, high-on-sugar Bambi after him.

"NO!" Christine screamed, and Bambi stopped, shaking his (her?) head wildly.

Christine started to sing_,"Pitiful puppy of Disney...What kind of doghouse have you known? Sleeping Beauty, give me magik dust to show you, you are NOT ALONE!" _Christine screeched the last part more than sang it, then licked one side of Pluto's face one time...then she hurled all over the seven dwarves.

In the distance, they could hear about ten three-year olds singing_,"Track down that faker! IT must be found! That hidden PERSON that runs to castles! And though it hides from us, we now know: THE PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONY OF THE DISNEY WORLD is there, deep inside the gift shops!"_

Pluto started to whimper like a dog_,"Go...take her, forget all of this...Don't let them find you...there might be phangirls, they'll rape Erik." _

Erik was about to hug Christine, but instead she pushed him aside and RAN out of the kingdom, wanting to get away from Pluto as far as she could. Erik looked at Pluto, feeling true sadness for the scrawny human.

Pluto turned to him, and started to yell/sing,_"GO NOW! GO NOW! Forget all of this! Forget of the PHONY CARTOON!" _

Erik, truly frightened...okay...you know what? The truth was that he felt as if he was about to shit a couple of bricks because of this little dude...Anyway, he ran away because of that. In fact he kept on running all the way to Sea World, as a line of phangirls had followed him. He jumped into Shamoo's tank, only to have Shamoo Jr. try and molest him.

Madame Giry had to pull him out with a floating safety device. By that time he was way past the point of insanity...huh. I guess nothing really happened to him then, did it? Erik put on some rather bleak attire, and came to meet the group who were waiting for him in the side-lines. Most of them were pissed off because Shamoo kept on slapping his God damn tail against the water and sending tidal waves toward the now drenched pissy-offy POTO cast. Fortunately...um...UNfortunately, Erik was too warm in all the black colors, which meant he'd have to rip his clothes off and go bare naked through the park for the rest of the days he was there.

"WHAT!" Erik yelled at the narrator,"I am NOT going to rip my clothes off!" He took off his tail-coat, which underneath was, of course, his white, open, ruffled shirt.

Hey...can't blame a Jinx for trying, can ya'? (Crickets start invading Shamoo's pool) Oh...crap...

Because this chapter soon started to spiral into nowhere (except for the occasional annoying tsunami's caused by Shamoo's huge frickin' tail) Ryan Seacrest popped up.

"Hi Gals Pals! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!" He said (and giggled) with an arm wrapped around the Vicomte D' Chagny. The Fo- uh...'Raoul' tried to get away, but Ryan kept him down with the push of an arm, and started to braid Raoul's hair which was tied up with a pink ribbon. See! Now you 'RC' people can't screw with me, because PINK isn't gay! Now, see...if I had wrote something like this:

...and started to braid Raoul's hair which was tied up with a purple, pink, and baby blue ribbon...

That would be Gay.

"Did you guys pick out songs?" Ryan asked, eyeing Erik's open ruffled shirt, and licking his lips.

"No." Everybody chorused together, ready to feast on whale meat for dinner.

Ryan cocked his head,"But the next round of auditions is in two days." He stopped braiding Raoul's hair, and stood up to wrap an arm around the spirit of Piangi's waist. This didn't really work out though, because Piangi's waist was too big, causing Ryan to have to HAVE to put his head on Piangi's shoulder in order to put his arm fully around the big man's waist.

"I'm not fat, you know." Piangi told the narrator.

I know, you're just big-boned.

Piangi turned away,"Hmph." He looked back at the sky,"Amatuer."

Shamoo laughed, and splashed the cast once more.

''TAT EES EET!" Carlotta screeched, picking up a pitchfork,"I WUNT WHEEL FUR DEENEER!" With that she screamed her war-cry, and dove into the pool, making sure she also grabbed a can to stuff Shamoo in once she was done with the pitchfork.

Stay tuned peeps to see who wins the battle between...The Banshee V.S. The Pool Splashing Shamoo!

A/N: PLEASE review! I want atleast three more reviews! Or no chapter! Oky-Doky? Oh, and if you'd like to be a part of the hunt for the evil Walt Disney, please tell me your gender, what you look like, and how you want to go about finding Walt in your review.


	5. Trip through Hell PT 2

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO. It belongs to Gaston Leroux

first and foremost. I also don't own Sea World. That belongs to

...um...whoever owns Sea World. I don't own 'The Wizard of Oz'

either. In fact, I don't even own myself.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Trip to Hell Part 2

Psst. Pass this on: Meg Rides Big Whales. Hahaha!

"I wanna' go on that ride!" It seemed as if Meg wanted to go on every ride...which she did. But when they got to the Kraken, Christine wasn't able to say 'N-O.' "YOU DON'T WANT TO GO ON ANY RIDES THOUGH!" Complained Meg.

Madame Giry leant in and whispered loudly in Christine's ear,"Just say no to drugs." Then she disappeared in a puff of black smoke. Too many hotdogs.

Christine had to go, and with the help of ten phangirls, Carlotta's constant screeching, and Meg's girly wails, she was able to get the entire POTO cast to go on the ride. The ride started and they were lifted in the air, hoping they wouldn't slide out of the shiny blue cushony-thingies that held them suspended in the air. Then they took off.

"YEAH BE-YOTCH! FASTER! FASTER!" Meg screamed. Suddenly a person appeared, floating in the air beside her, and smacked her across the face.

"Whore." It said simply before disaperating into thin air.

Christine wasn't having a good time. She had been stuck between Erik and Carlotta, so you can imagine. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Both her and Carlotta screamed. From that day the mystery of 'who screamed the loudest' began, but no one knew the answer.

Monsieur Andre and Firmin were having a delighted time though. They were eating hotdogs and cotton candy, occasionally choking on them, but they were okay with that. "I dare say Andre, this is rather a (CHOKE) nice relaxing (GASP FOR AIR FROM CHOKING ON COTTON CANDY) ride. Now, will you please pass the mustard? All of it flew off my hotdog and into my face."

"OMG! Like, we're, like, totally all gonna' die!" Raoul screamed, his purple, pink, and baby blue ribbon flapping wildly in the air. Then he took a bite of his cotton candy. "Like! Like! AGUGHUGU!" Everybody stared at him in shock.

"What the Hell did you just say?" Erik asked, being stuck between Christine and Raoul. How coincidental, uh?

Flashback

"Okay ma'am, please buckle your self up next to the nice blonde woman right there, and-" Started the ride person.

"Hey! I'm a real boy now!" Raoul exclaimed, cutting off the ride person while applying 'Tooty Frooty Mango' lipgloss to his big pouty lips.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL NO!" Screamed Erik. He pushed Raoul over to one side, and stood next to Christine,"The order is Woman-Man-Thing, not Woman-Thing-Man."

Flashback done

Everything was spinning too fast! Too many colors!

_"Flash of mauve, spruce of-"_

Erik shook his head, but his headache was increasing..too much...He could feel the bile sliding up his throat, he couldn't control it!

"Boy!" Erik turned and screamed to Raoul.

Raoul turned its' head,"Yes?"

"MOVE!" Erik felt tears in his eyes. He didn't want to throw up on anybody, but-

"Well!" Raoul pouted,"That's just rude! You can't be so mean to people!"

Erik clutched onto the cushiony thing,"If you don't move, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!"

"Hmmmm..." Raoul thought for a moment.

"Remember! There are worse things than a shattered chandelier!" Erik screamed, but it was too late. "I'm telling you to move you -"

**_BLOOSH!_**

Suddenly a mom was walking with her son toward the candy stand. "Mommy! Is it it raining!" The boy asked, feeling something wet spray all over him.

"Hmmmm...no honey," The mother said, seriously doubting herself.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Hey! Was that daddy?" The boy asked, hearing the yell.

"Hmmmmmmmm...no..." The mother said, SERIOUSLY doubting herself.

"EEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" Raoul screeched,"Like, gag me with a spoon!" He yelled, then saw the shit(Erik's throw up)slide down his purse,"NOOO! YOU FIEND! This was my new VERSACE!"

A little bit of Erik's puke fell into a phangirl's cup. By sniffing it, she immediately knew it was Erik's. She ran off, then, exactly one minute later came running over to her parents,"Guess what! We just made 100 billion dollars!"

Soon the ride was over, and they were back on the ground.

Christine couldn't keep her eyes off poor Raoul. Poor, defenseless Raoul. With puke running down his face, mingling with his lip gloss, dropping off practically everywhere. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Christine laughed so hard that she could barely breathe. "I-I'm sorr-sorry...I...hehehehehehe" Christine saw the strange looks she was getting from the cast,"I...it's," She pointed at Raoul,"...mmmmph...ggrrrrggg...HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(GASP)HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!" Then she looked at Erik.

Her poor, unhappy Erik. He was probably so embarrassed, and there she was laughing her head off.

"Erik. I'm sorry." She stated, then saw how messed up he looked also,"I...hehehee...um...mmmmph! (DROOL) HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"

The Angel of Coffee appeared,"Hola amigo's y amigas!" He had a huge box in his hands, and a tall girl was standing next to him. She had a huge belt looped around her right arm. The buckle was shaped like a pie...

"Angel!" Christine hugged the Columbo, then turned away angrily,"Where the Hell were you all this time! You left me with those two morons!" She pointed at Raoul and Erik.

He looked guilty, and bowed his head,"Fur Geeve me mi amore." He then turned around to see his donkey hauling not only the ten-pound bag of coffee, but also an enormous ten-pound wooden box, with a ten-pound golden lock attached to the front of it. "Butt I make eat two El Darado!"

Translation: Forgive me my love. But I made it to El Darado!"

"Really? That's great! What did you find there?" Christine asked whilst bouncing up and down like a mad-woman.

"JAJAJAJAJAJA!" The Angel of Coffee laughed heartily,"Treason, of coarse!" He pointed to the box, then looked at the tall girl,"And mi knew...er...fried...Phantomphan 1992!" He tried to put an arm around the tall girl, but since the Angel of Coffee was two feet tall, and Phantomphan 1992 was 5' 8." Well, let's just say it didn't really work out the way he wanted to.

Translation: "Treasure, of course! And my new...er...friend...Phantomphan 1992!"

Christine crossed her arms, and jealously said,"Hmph."

"'Phantomphan 1992'?" Erik asked incredulously. He looked at the girl. She was tall. She was very tall for a girl. And she had a big belt with a pie shaped buckle...this wasn't looking to good for him. Especially when she grinned at him evilly.

The girl beamed at him. And it was, in the moment, as if Erik the deer had just got caught in the headlights. "IT'S A OKAY EVERYONE! I'M JUST HERE TO KILL THE EVIL WALT DISNEY!" Everybody in the park stopped to stare at her. She bent over, and whispered quietly,"He's evil, I'm telling ya'."

"Um...like...girl, we need to seriously do something about your hair, and those evil-ized eyes? Gotta' go." Raoul said, totally jealous of Phantomphan 1992's hair and eyes.

Phantomphan 1992 didn't pay attention though. She was too busy looking at Erik's open ruffled shirt. "Shouldn't you go find the 'evil' Walt Disney?" Christine asked, finding this chapter to being a rather jealousy filled one.

"Yes. I suppose I should, but before I go..." Phantomphan 1992 opened a compartment in her belt, and pulled out a-!

A cherry pie.

"A cherry pie?" Erik asked. He started to giggle. So Phantomphan 1992 threw it in his face. Then she ran away to find Walt Disney, but we'll get to that in a little bit.

Christine helped Erik get the chunks of pie out of his eyes, then said,"I hope Phantomphan is okay, for to get to the evil Walt Disney...she must...follow the yellow brick road..."

"The yellow brick road?" A munchkin piped up.

Christine stood up straighter,"The yellow brick road!" Then she and the growing line of munchkins started to swing about jovially.

_"WE'RE...OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD!_

_The wonderful wizard of DISNEY!"_

Suddenly, Raoul came to swing his arm around Christine's He was dressed in a pair of fashionable overalls, and a cute little pink straw hat. "You mean I'm going to get a brain?"

"Yep!" Christine shouted delightedly.

Madame Giry stood next to Christine. She was wearing an empty can of soup on her head,"And I'll get a heart?"

"Ummmm..." Christine had to seriously think about this one. How in the world would Madame Giry ever get a heart? "Yeah..." She said just to make Madame Giry feel better.

Monsieur Andre and Firmin were both wearing lion costumes. The only difference was the way the manes were cut. Andre's was cut in a weird style in which the mane had been divided into two pieces, making the mane look like the Devil's horns. Firmin's was...well...Firmin-ish. "And we'll have courage?"

Christine couldn't lie,"Like THAT'll ever happen!" Then she cackled, but she was cut off by something else.

"And me?" Erik asked. He whimpered like a little puppy.

"Ummmm..." Christine reached into her huge tote bag with the picture of The Phony of the Disney World on it. She pulled out a pair of fake black, dog ears, which she promptly placed on top of Erik's head. "You're Toto!"

Everybody laughed at him.

Erik pun-jabbed half of them.

And Carlotta's face turned green...wait...what?

"Cara Mia! You're face!" Piangi pointed a stubby, butter covered finger at Carlotta's face.

Carlotta pulled a mirror out of her-

"Remember that this phic is rated 'T'!" Toto...I mean...Erik reminded the narrator.

Carlotta looked at the mirror, and with that she began to...sing...?

_"Dios mio!_

_!&$#!_

_&$#!_

_PUTA MADRE CARAJO PARIO!" _

"Wow." Said little Meg, who's ears had been insufficiently covered by her mother's humungo. Terminator-like hands.

"Hehehe." Laughed Toto...ugh! I meant to say Erik!

Christine pointed at Carlotta,"Look a wart!"

"So does this mean that Carlotta really is a toad now?" Meg asked.

"Whie yoo leeteele brahtt! I shoold-CROAK! CACKLE! COUGH! HACK! FURBALL!" Carlotta started to say weird things, when she suddenly stopped and started to cackle. Her clothes turned black, her skin green, she aquired the use of a-

Christine squinted her eyes,"What's that?" She looked at the thing that Carlotta was flying on.

"Hm...I believe that is what this era calls...a 'vacumm.'" Meg told them.

"Ooh!" The vacumm sputtered a great heaving choke,"Aah!"

Carlotta cackled, and looked at Christine,"YOO EES NUT GOONG ANEEWHEER MEE PREETY!" She cackled, then flew straight toward Raoul. "MEE HEERSA THUT GEERLY GEERS R AHFRAHD OF FYREE!" She lit Raoul up with a torch that she pulled out of...yeah...and he/she/it lit up like a Christmas tree.

"OMG! OMG! LIKE...SAVE ME! THIS IS LIKE...TOTALLY NOT TUBULAR!" Raoul ran around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Christine couldn't just stand there and watch Raoul burn. Oh...wait...actually, yes she could, but being who she was, and having already talked to the little voice in her head she finally said to Erik,"Oh...save him."

"What? Why! It's fun to see him die!" Erik whined.

"Yeah, I know, but..." Christine gave a great stuttering breath,"It would be the right thing to do..."

Madame Giry looked at her,"No it wouldn't. I want him to die."

Erik looked at Christine with those beautiful eyes. "Please let him die!"

"Erik..." Christine wiped her brow,"I know he should die, but without him, there will be no true comick relief."

"What! What about me!" Erik screamed.

"Oh Erik..." Christine put a hand on the side of his face that didn't have the mask, as it would look 100 retarded if she put a hand on the side of the face that had the mask. "Just save-"

"But, I don't wanna.'"

"Erik, you have to-"

"But I don't wanna."

"Erik, go help-"

"But I don't wanna.'"

"JUST SAVE HIM YOU GOD DAMN FOOL!" Christine thrusted a bucket of water into Erik's arms and pushed him toward Raoul.

"Damn it!" Erik yelled, he dumped the water on Raoul, then proceeded to slam the bucket atop Raoul's head a number of times.

Christine turned to the cast. "Let's go get some popcorn and candy so that we can rot our teeth!" She exclaimed happily.

The cast cheered and they neared the candy stand viciously.

Meanwhile...

Phantomphan made her way toward Animal Kingdom. She was almost there when...

"Hello!" Two things made their way toward her. "Hello! Hello! We're Chip and Dale!"

"Oh...God..." Phantomphan rolled her eyes and turned away.

"Hello!" The two chipmunks hugged her,"Hello! Hello! We're Chip and Dale!"

"Hi-YAH!" Phantomphan jumped into the air, and everything went matrix motion. Her long super tight black suit clung to her body, just like the one's that they wore in the Matrix. "Holy Damn!" She fell to the ground, and started to pant. The suit was too warm! She was sweating profusely! Everything was going black. "Deoderant...please..." She then fainted.

Chip and Dale bent over her, looked at eachother, then back at her.

"Hello!" They hugged her,"Hello! Hello! We're Chip and Dale!"

Anyway...

Christine looked for some money in her purse, but only had francs,"Damn...I'm sorry, but I don't have any American money..."

"Eats okay! Eye Will pour fur thee candy and otter Rouen stud!" The Angel of Coffee said.

Translation: "It's okay! I will pay for the candy and other rotten stuff!"

"How?" Christine asked, not wanting her Angel to put this burden upon himself.

The Angel beamed,"Wheat mi knew Treason!" He pointed to the wooden box.

Translation: "With my new treasure!"

"Oh yeah!" Christine was happy,"But...how will you open it?" She asked.

The Angel drew a flamethrower out of his donkey's jackass,"Wheat thrust!"

Translation: "With this!"

He burned the golden lock off the box, and opened it. All that was inside was a note.

_"To the person that found this box...(Clear throat)...(Cough)...(Take a drink of water)..._

_**YOU GOT SCREWED! YOU GOT SCREWED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

**_YOU GOT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SCREWED! YEAH!_**

_This note is worth exactly 0 Dollars, and 00/100 cents._

_This means it's worth nothing._

_Which means you just got double screwed._

_Yours Truly,_

_The Screwer"_

"The what-er?" Erik asked. "The _Screwer_?"

Christine cocked her head,"Why would he name himself after a tool?"

Erik put an arm around her,"My dear, he truly did name himself after a tool, just not the type you're thinking of." He pat her head three times, then paid for the candy.

"YAY! Thank you, Erik!" Christine hugged Erik.

Christine hugged Erik.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Angel of Coffee screeched. He ran to a statue of The Holy Mickey Mouse, and jumped on top.

_"You will curse the day you did not do!_

_All that The Coffee Master_

_Asked of..._

_YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU!"_

Juan Valdez started to laugh. Softly at first, but then louder and harder...woah. Waitaminute.

"GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" He screamed.

A thirty pound bag of coffee fell right in front of Christine.

It crushed Raoul.

Now read the Author Note or Carlotta will start singing.

A/N: THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! I want three more reviews or no chapter six! And if you don't have chapter six, you'll never find out what happens when Erik needs to go to the bathroom. ALSO! If you would like to help Phantomphan 1992 try and find the evil Walt Disney, please include what you look like, and what your plan is to try and find the evil mastermind behind the Mickey Mouse ears.


	6. Trip through Hell PT 3

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO. It belongs to Gaston Leroux

first and foremost. I also don't own Animal Kingdom, MGM,

or any of the Disney characters.

_**Phantom of the Opera**_

_**American Idol Style**_

_**By: Janx Spirit**_

_**Trip through Hell Part 3**_

Monkey's like to eat wigs

"OOOOHHHHHH!" Meg had dragged the cast (And The Angel of Coffee) off to Animal Kingdom. Everybody thought she thought that they thought she thought that they thought she was stupid, but they were wrong...oh, so wrong.

"Meg. It's too hot here," Christine complained while fanning herself.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" Erik and Madame Giry cried in unison, donning their black as usual.

Erik looked around,"Where's that damn tsunami causing whale?" He asked.

"It's back in Sea World..." Madame Giry trailed off, and fainted. (Un)Fortunately she landed in a pile of rhinoceras dung. And (Un)Fortunately that certain rhino had a bad case of diarreah. Oh well.

"Damn. When you don't need that stupid thing, it's here, but when you actually DO need it, it's gone!" Erik yelled.

Christine fanned herself more,"Ah. Poor Erik. He just admitted that he actually has love in his heart for an over-sized fish. How sweet."

"And UN-Erik..." Meg grumbled. "Wait!" She pointed at Christine's fan,"How'd you get that!"

"Ummmm..." Christine thought.

Yup! It's that time of the chapter kids! FLASHBACK TIME!

"Oh damn."

"I hate that."

"So worthless."

Right so...yeah...

Flashback

"HEY SWEETY!" Three men walked toward Christine. They were huge! And hot! But not as hot as Erik. No. His sweating in the black cloth is so sexy.

"Ew."

Don't interrupt FLASHBACKS! You meaningless drone!

"Ehhh...ummmm..." Christine saw that she was surrounded. "**_ERIK!_**"

Erik appeared, in black, sweating. "Yes, dear?"

"These men are scary! Take them out my sight!" Christine yelled,"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

The men looked scared out of their lives,"Um..it's okay...we'll leave on our own..."

"Why? Are you trying to say that you believe my beautiful and pristine Christine isn't good enough for you slime?" Erik's voice twisted and became ugly. Or maybe it was just him sweating in that God damn black that messed with him.

The guys were really nervous,"Like dude...no..."

"THAT"S IT!" Christine beat up the guys and took their fan. Hey...why did they a fan with them? "Why did those men have a fan, Erik?"

Erik put an arm around her,"You want to find out?"

"Yes! Please tell me!" Christine pleaded.

"Okay..." Erik started...

Flashback done

"OOOOOHHHHHHH! MONKEYS!" Meg started to drool.

Erik glared at the cage,"I suppose you can identify with them, can't you?"

Meg looked at Erik,"Why you! OOOHHHHH!" Something happened. Something snapped. Something- Oh just read the damn chapter. "OO OO AH AH!" Meg dangled her arms onto the ground and started to limp toward the monkey cages.

"Meg? What are you...?" Christine saw Meg starting to open the monkey cage, so she jogged over.

"Wahhh...wha...wai-wait f-for me...(HEAVE)..." Erik started to slowly walk over.

"M-Meg?" Christine touched Meg, who was buisily chatting to the monkeys.

Meg and the monkeys turned around,"**_SUPPOSITORIES_**!" They screamed.

"Oh shit...!" Christine flew backwards from the force of their word.

One monkey ran over to the underbrush, and was followed by Meg. "OOOO! OOOO!" Meg beat her stomache. "YOU HAVE NO SAY MR. MONKEY! ME IS WONDERBRA!" She turned to Raoul,"Quick! Go 'get' (WINK WINK) Fopman! We need to beat The E.vil Monkeys!"

"Ummmm...like...huh?" Raoul asked, eyeing his new blue eyeshadow.

Meg slapped her forehead,"GO GET FOPMAN YOU FOP!"

"Right..." Raoul's eyes became glazed,"...No...:"

"JUST DRESS YOURSELF IN THOSE SUPA' TIGHT LATEX THINGS AND RUN AROUND CALLING YOURSELF FOPMAN!" Meg screamed,"Oooo! OOO! AH AH!" She quickly added in.

"Oh! Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked. Then he went to go get dressed. Two seconds later, he was back in the Fopman outfit,"PREPARE TO BE FOPPED!" He shouted heroically.

Christine pulled something out of her bag,"Yeah...Fopman?" She popped a Tic Tac into his mouth,"Tell your breath to be 'prepared to be fopped' also, because your breath is worse than HERS.'' She pointed to Carlotta,"And that's not just BAD. That's _REALLY _BAD."

"Okay..." Fopman made sure his Tic Tac was finished before he continued,"NOW! Prepare to be fopped by FOPMAN, and..."

Drum roll please!

(Silence.)

Damn it...

"WONDERBRA!" Meg came out, dressed in a rubber white top, and a latex skirt. She was wearing a huge wonderbra that extremely stuck out of her rubber top.

"GOOD! NOW PREPARE TO BE FOPPED!" Fopman yelled,"WITH MY AMAZING STORY! NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO IT!" He started to tell his story:

"Like!...Like!...Like!...I was, like, outside, because I was wearing my new Fendi, and I had to TOTALLY show it all off. So...like anyway! I bent over to smell like this pretty little flower, because it was like...purple...and pink...and baby blue...or maybe I just had too much orange juice that morning, because when I have alot of orange juice I go like totally rabid...hey! Did I actually just say the word 'rah-beed'? That's so weird! I don't even know the meaning of that word!. But anyway... there was this like nasty bee. And it stung me...on the butt...so like I started to get hives...all over...and especially on my butt. So like then there was blood...especially on my butt...and on my new Fendi...and I was mad...because my mommy had just bought that Fendi. And then I saw all the blood, and I was like...:

"EWWWWWWWWW! Is that like blood? Gag me with a spoon, I think I'm about to like totally throw my food...which is macaroni of course...

"So I started to panic...and then I fainted. And when I woke up, but I couldn't see because there were hives in my eyes. But I did see my butt, which was weird because I usually have to turn around to see it, like this..."

Raoul started to spin in circles in order to get a glimpse of his own butt, but since he had such a flat ass and such a flat brain, it was mostly impossible for him to do such a thing.

"Oh...God..." Erik finally ripped his black tail coat off, and revealed...nothing underneath...YAY!

Christine eyed him,"You're not wearing anything under your tail-coat today? That's why you had it closed all the way! Why didn't you have anything under your tail coat today!" She started to blabber, and finally jumped over to Erik, grabbed him by the shoulders, lifted him in the air, and started to shake him madly,"ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!"

"My dear, you have it all wrong," Erik started to explain as to why he didn't have anything under his tail coat that day as Christine set him back on the ground. "You see. It's merely a matter of...yabba-Dabba doo...quadratic...equations (which make no sense to me)...something about Freud (?)...and Einstein learned from Newton actually that..."

"I know you're French, but atleast try to speak **_ENGLISH_**!" Christine grabbed him by the shoulders, because she just liked to.

"Okay. Fine. I feel sexy without any shirt on." Erik grumbled loudly.

Christine froze for a moment,"...oh. Okay. That's a pretty good reason." Then she made a thumbs-up sign toward where she thought the narrator might be. Yet actually, the narrator was on the other side of where she was signaling to...dumbass...

Erik leant back, and a monkey made its' way onto his shoulder. "What the-"

The monkey started to look for something to pick out of his hair, but Erik was very clean and tidy, and always washed his crazy-glued wig. In fact he was so meticulous when it came to his body and clothes, that Meg and Christine had started to call him 'Wishy Washy.' Isn't that sweet?

"WISHY WASHY!" Meg and Christine cried out in unison,"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Okay. Nevermind, it's not sweet.

The monkey started to eat Erik's wig.

"AAACK!" Erik swung his head around, trying to get the monkey off, but it wouldn't go! "NOOOOOOO!"

Meanwhile...

"Oooooo...must get to...Tower of Terror." After a full day of battling off Chip and Dale, Phantomphan was pooped out...not litterally of course...

"Need a hand?" A girl with wavy, light brown hair stuck her hand out to help Phantomphan. She was so tall...she was...

On a hoverboard...

Phantomphan drooled over the hoverboard.,"Ohhhh, preety hover boardie...Me want one too!"

"Heh heh. You're going to have alot of trouble getting it! I got mine from the Green Goblin in the Spiderman movie!" She smiled, pushing up her square glasses.

Phantomphan brushed some dust off her shorts,"You mean the Green Goblin in the movie that looked more like Gumbi?" She asked.

"Yep. I told him his costume in the movie sucked like dry air, so he gave me this hover board as a peace offering." The girl showed her black and white braces, "By the way, I'm Atomic Scribble. And you are...?" Atomic Scribble's brown eyes twinkled.

"I'm Phantomphan 1992, and I'm here to defeat the evil WALT DISNEY!" She screamed the last part, making the entire crowd in MGM stop to stare at her.

Atomic Scribble cocked her head, Chuckie Doll like,"Really? Me too! And I already met someone else along the way, Marcellina!"

"IT'S PRONOUNCED MAR-CHELL-INA! You BLEEPING dolt!" A girl who was also 5' 8" like Phantomphan stepped out of the little port-o-potty that was sitting in the middle of the MGM park. How strange.

Phantomphan beamed,"HI!" She looked at them,"So...I was planning to go to Walt, I got a tip from this two year old that he was around the Tower of Terror."

"I was planning to build an army, capture the Disney characters, and hold them for ransom..." Marcellina said.

Phantomphan and Atomic Scribble blinked at eachother,"Well. That's smart...But how will make an army in such short time? I say we get a few of the main characters, like Mickey or Donald, and hold them for ransom." Phantomphan said.

"And then Walt will have to come to us!" Atomic Scribble started to jiggle with delight.

_"HIS REIGN WILL END!"_ The three crazy's sung together.

Anyway...

"AGGGHHHHHHH!" Erik was still trying to pry the monkey off his head! "GET OFF!" He finally managed to bop the monkey on the head, causing it to tumble off.

_"INSOLANT MONKEY!_

_THIS BRAVE YOUNG WIG EATER_

_BASKING IN MY WIG!_

_IGNORANT ANIMAL!_

_THIS SLAVE OF EATING MY FAKE HAIR_

_CONSUMING MY CLEAN PHONY LOCKS!"_

The monkey started to sing:

_"Angel of Wigs_

_Sing, I listen!_

_Your wig tastes like chocolate!_

_Angel of Wigs_

_My stomache is empty_

_Forgive me_

_Please let me eat more of that fake hair!"_

"Okay. ENOUGH!" Meg smacked the monkey, causing it to sail to the Disney World in California, "And as for you..." She looked at Erik,"Christine, sic 'im girl."

Christine jumped onto Erik's back. The monkey had taken the wig off the crazy glue. Christine lifted the wig off his head, and into the air like some sort of trophy. "YAYZIES!" She screamed in Erik's ear.

"NO O O O O O O O!" Erik yelled slowly as he fell to the ground. He made two large thud noises when he hit the dirt, and fell unconscious.

Meg leaned over him,"Oh NO! Erik has been knocked out!" She thought for a moment, then turned to Christine,"His pants are as good as mine."

Soon, Erik was back on his feet, yet, strangely, he was missing his pants, and had to go get another pair from the narrator. The cast was walking for what seemed ages, when they found a little furry yellow ball.

"YAY! Something to play with!" Christine and Meg started to kick the ball around. But it turned out to be-!

"What the HELL is that?" Erik looked at the mouse thing.

The yellow mouse looked around,"Pikachu!" It let the electricity flow out of its' body and hit Erik.

"Why is lightning coming out of its' ass?" Madame Giry touched the 'Pikachu.'

By the way. Don't barf every time I enter the things' name into the story.

Pikachu scampered about,"PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA...etc."

"Hmmmmm...I think it's broken..." Meg kicked it, causing it to shoot more electricity out of its' ass and hit her.

Christine narrowed her eyes at it. "I don't understand what it's saying...Erik, do you know?"

"Do you really think that I understand 'Badly drawn Japanese Cartoon' language?" Erik crossed his arms angrily and glared at the thing.

"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GENIUS!" Christine stared at him,"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!" She threw her arms up in the air dramatically.

Erik narrowed his eyes,"Are you a moron?...Wait...don't even answer that...I know I'm a genius. But that doesn't mean I know EVERYTHING."

"conceited..." Meg mumbled under her breath.

"NOOO!" Christine grabbed at her chest,"My world is crashing down! This is to much for my wee peanut-like brain!" Smoke started to surround her, and Christine started to melt! "What a cruel world! I only wanted revenge! Sweet...sweet revenge. But now I'm leaving this crazy place! Good-bye cruel, undaunting Earth!" And with that she disappeared.

Everybody in the park stopped in their tracks and clapped happily.

"Um...wow..." Meg said, studying the pool of black liquid.

"Pika! Pikachu! PI PI!" Pikachu screamed.

Meg looked at it,"You have to what?"

"PI PI!" Pikachu screeched.

"Hehehehehehehehehehehe..." Meg laughed evilly.

This chapter was becoming boring all of a sudden, so something passed by on a broom. It was a robot flying on a broom!

"OOOOOOooooHHHHHHhhhhh!" It said orgasmically.

"Eh?" Meg looked at it,"What the Hell do you want?"

The robot started up,"Come. Walt is up to something bad. So come."

"What are you talking about?" Madame Giry asked.

"Walt Disney. He is trying to bring Christine back to life, so that he can kidnap her!" The robot shouted.

"Where are they?" Erik asked whilst clutching his hands onto his crystal ball which he was trying to use to contact the spirit of Christine.

Raoul crossed his arms,"(GIGGLE) Crystal balls..."

Shut up you dirty minded Fop.

"Yes Master." Raoul said, completely under the narrator's spell, and bowed down to her.

Next time the cast (And one certain Angel of Coffee) will be back at the set of American Idol!

A/N: EVERYBODY! I"M BUMPING UP MY REVIEW WANT! 5 MORE REVIEWS OR NO CHAPTER SEVEN! AND YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO HEAR CARLOTTA SING AGAIN. Everybody booes at narrator Crappit...JUST REVIEW!


	7. This includes a note to all my 'flamers'

Disclaimer: After all these disclaimer's,

do you truly believe I own anything? You're

all just a bunch of jerks, forcing me to write

these because you're all rubbing it in my face,

aren't you? For goodness sakes, I'm owned

by a ghost that wanders the second floor of my house!

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition #4

Barbie...WHERE'D YOU GET THAT!

Today the narrator is gone, so the ghost that haunts the second floor of her house will be narrating this chapter. Do not call the police. Do not do anything that may anger me. Do not do anything stupid. Like say "Well. The narrator IS typing the story." I know that, because this actually is the narrator, playing a joke on you morons. She knows that most of you will probably skip this paragraph, just so you can get to the good part of the story. She also knows that if the ghost haunting the second floor of her house ever found out that she is writing as him, then he might actually kill her. Seriously. I'm not playing around, because the ghost made it apparant seven years ago that he owns her by locking her in her room on her seventh birthday. Her parents screamed at her because she wouldn't open the door, and when she explained what happened with the ghost, they scoffed at her and sent her to bed early.

Damn them.

Anyway. Here's, as the ghost would say, 'that gay person,' Ryan Seacrest!

"Hi peeps! Peep-dee dee peeps! Pipeeps says! Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!" Ryan appeared on the stage. "Anyway! Let's just see how our judges are doing! And...and...ummm..."

"Erik!" Erik sat in his chair, twiddling with...what was he twiddling with...or as the ghost would say, 'What the Hell is he doing?'

Ryan tried to get a glimpse of what Erik was twiddling with,"What are you doing?" He asked suspiciously.

Erik looked up,"Loading my gun." He picked up his rifle,"When Walt Disney comes, I'll be waiting," He started to rock back and forth in his chair, like the girl from the Exorcist was when she was rocking on the floor,"I'll be waiting..."

"Ummmm...and...what if he doesn't come?" Ryan asked.

"You Ryan..." Erik glared at him,"You are a VERY gay, gay man. He WILL come!" He stood up in his seat, only to trip on his cloak and fall backwards, landing on a very happy Atomic Scribble. "NO! I crushed a..." He looked at Atomic Scribble,"...girl...?" He looked at her mouth,"What's with the black and white things in your mouth? Do you have a disease?" He took a few steps backwards and covered his mouth.

Atomic Scribble looked at the shiny material that covered her hoverboard,"No...they're braces..."

"What?" He asked, confused.

Marcellina rolled her eyes,"They're what people wear when their mouths looked bleeped up."

"Hey! That's not nice!" Atomic Scribble rounded on Marcellina.

"So? What are you going to do?" She asked.

Atomic Scribble's face turned Red! Purple! Blue! Green!- Yeah...you get it...anway! She pulled out a powerjack and held it above Marcellina's head. "AAGGHRRVCCKKK!" She shouted.

"STOP!" Meg called out. "Why are we here? We should go save Christine from Walt! And your plan!" She pointed to Marcellina,"We have to carry it out!"

"NO! All of you stop!" Raoul jumped on stage,"This is a humour phic! I wanna' sing!"

Erik looked at him,"A humour WHAT?''

"Poor dense Erik." Madame Giry slapped him on the back, causing him to fly to Walt Disney's evil lair. "But you just made a joke." She told Raoul.

"Huh?" Raoul asked, ready to whip out his handy three meter mirror out of Piangi's pocket, as he couldn't fit it in his own pocket.

Madame Giry slapped her forehead,"Ugh. When you said 'this is a humour phic, I gotta' sing.' You made fun of yourself."

"Huh?" Raoul asked as he fixed his hair and tied it with a poofy blue scrunchie.

"AAGGGHHH! Just sing your damn song!" Madame Giry sat down.

Phantomphan,"But Erik! He'll-"

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be okay." Meg waved a hand at Phantomphan.

"THAT'S EXACTLY IT! If he kills Walt, then the Empire of cartoons will go down!" Phantomphan cried out nervously. "There will be no more DISNEY! EVER! That's not the objective! We don't want to destroy the characters! I LOVE DUMBO!" She looked around, and said quietly under her breath,"...that is, I love Dumbo Soup...but they don't need to know that...except everyone that reads this phic of course..."

"Please. Just sing your stupid song, so we can get ahead..." Simon said nastily and evilly.

"Hmph. Fine. But I was dedicating it to everybody..." Raoul looked around in dismay, then quickly add under his breath, barely audible,"...especially Erik..."

Suddenly Erik and Christine appeared.

How? What? Nevermind...this is too much for my poor little brain...

"Oh narrator, you're not that dumb! I mean really, what's two plus two?" Asked Erik.

Ummmm...errr...

Two plus Two equals...Parody Phic?

"Wow..." One audience member said.

"Hello! Like (Cough) (Wheeze) (Hack)!" Raoul tried to get the attention of the cast and audience, but they wouldn't listen to him. "NINE BALLER!"

Everybody snapped to attention.

"Thankies..." And with a stupid grin, alot of pink make-up, and a dumb out-look on life itself, Raoul started to sing:

_ "I'm too sexy for my love,_

_ Too sexy for my love,_

_ Love's gonna' leave me,_

_ I'm too sexy for my shirt,_

_ Too sexy for shirt,_

_ So sexy that it hurts,_

_ And I'm too sexy for Milan,_

_ Too sexy for Milan,_

_ New York and Japan..."_

"I'm surprised he knows those places are real..." Erik pushed atleast a thousand earplugs into his ear, and started to hand them out. Everybody took some. Especially Phantomphan, who shoved atleast a trillion in each ear.

_ "And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing"_

"Oh greater God! It's not working!" Christine tried to push the earplugs farther down her ears.

"_I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk _

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far"

Meg looked at him,"What in the world is a...k-c---'car'?"

"I think he's making up stuff..." Christine said darkly.

_  
"And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that _

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my"

"Is it broken?" Meg picked up a hammer,"Because I can always fix it."

Christine shook her head,"Trust me. There's no way that you can ever fix THAT."

"'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song "

Raoul finished his song, and smiled.

Five audience members died.

"Raoul D' Chagny!" A rather angry big legged blonde made her way over. IT WAS JESSICA SIMPSON!

Atomic Scribble pulled a slingshot out her back pocket, put Erik's wig in it, and prepared to shoot. To shoot...to kill...

Jessica Simpson pouted,"You stole my shampoo!" She shouted angrily and made the I-am-stupid face.

Raoul glanced at the audience nervously,"...I..um..."

"Raoul? Steal someone else's shampoo? Impossible!" Christine stood up,"He has his own siganture Fop scent!"

Jessica shifted from one leg to the next,"But...erg...um..." She glared at Christine,"Oh POOT! What da' you know anyway!'' She yelled unhappily.

"Really!" Christine crossed her arms,"What's one plus one?" She waited for the answer.

Ten minutes of absolute silence.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Jessica whined,"ME IS SOOPER SMART!" She looked at her reflection in the mirror,"If I wasn't smart, then why do I have so much money?" She challenged.

Well. Even I can answer that one. Stupid people listen to stupid people. Stupidity is like an infection. There are more stupid people in the world than ever before. Most of those stupid people are stupider than the people who lived here thousands of years ago...

"Wow." Marcellina started to bow,"The Smart-Ass speaks. Bow down to her puzzling logic!" Atomic Scribble and Phantomphan followed her example,"Oh bow down to the all mighty Queen Wise Ass!" They cried out in unison.

But it's true! I am wise!

"...ass..." Meg added in for her quickly."Wise...ass..."

A rocket slammed into Meg, instantly killing her. On the side of the rocket, the words 'Queen Wise Ass' were painted in black paint. Yeah bitch. Take that.

Ryan jumped on stage,"Judges?" He called out anxiously.

"MEOW!" Randy sneezed. His black fur standing on end against his overweight body.

"Um...okay...someone who can actually speak English?" Ryan looked around the judges table.

Paula Abdul spoke,"THATWASWONDERFULANDIHOPEYOUMAKEITOTHENEXTROUNDBECAUSETHEVOICEINMYHEADSAIDTHATYOUWOULD."

"Voice in your head? No wonder..." Erik said to mostly himself.

Simon was asleep at this point, so there was reason to bother him. He'd probably ask Raoul if he was drunk or something like that.

"Well. Since Erik thinks he's so smart, why doesn't he go next?" Ryan made his way down the steps to usher Erik up the stairs, but Erik punjabbed him.

Christine was holding a sign that said 'Applaud' and when Erik threatened the audience, they hesitantly complied and nervously clapped.

"Okay. I'm going to sing my song, so everybody..." Erik looked around,"Shut up."

"Yay! Gooooooo...PHANTOM!" The ballet rats encouraged.

Erik smiled,"I heard this song recently, and I think it's pretty neat..."

"'Pretty neat'?" Christine asked herself,"Since when does he say that?"

_ "I was working in the lab late one night  
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight  
For my monster from his slab began to rise  
And suddenly to my surprise..."_

Phantomphan and Marcellina looked at eachother,"Oh...God..."

"What is it?" Atomic Scribble asked.

_ "He did the mash  
He did the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It was a graveyard smash  
He did the mash  
It caught on in a flash  
He did the mash  
He did the monster mash"_

"You must be joking..." Christine whispered as Madame Giry grasped the cross that was slung around her neck.

_ "From my laboratory in the castle east  
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast  
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes  
To get a jolt from my electrodes _

They did the mash  
They did the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It was a graveyard smash  
They did the mash  
It caught on in a flash  
They did the mash  
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun  
The party had just begun  
The guests included Wolf Man  
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds  
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds  
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive  
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash  
They played the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It was a graveyard smash  
They played the mash  
It caught on in a flash  
They played the mash  
They played the monster mash"

Meg turned to Christine,"You have the weirdest boyfriends in the whole world, you know that?"

"Thanks. That's what I really need now,"Christine said stonily,"For Christ's sake, my vocal teacher is singing about dancing monsters!" She hid her face in her hands,"This is SOOOOO embarrassing..."

_  
"Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring  
Seems he was troubled by just one thing  
He opened the lid and shook his fist  
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" _

It's now the mash  
It's now the monster mash  
The monster mash  
And it's a graveyard smash  
It's now the mash  
It's caught on in a flash  
It's now the mash  
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band  
And my monster mash is the hit of the land  
For you, the living, this mash was meant too  
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash  
Then you can monster mash  
The monster mash  
And do my graveyard smash  
Then you can mash  
You'll catch on in a flash  
Then you can mash  
Then you can monster mash "

"Lord high in Heavenn, have mercy on that crazy man." Madame Giry said, but only ended up biting her tongue,"DAHM EET!"

Ryan came onstage,"Okay...judges?...And no, not you Randy..."

"OHWOWTHATWASGREAT!" Paula screeched/screamed/Hell! I don't know!

Simon was too busy doing the Monster Mash, but soon stopped when he saw everyone looking at him,"I-I wasn't having fun if that's what you think...his performance was dreadful...I-it wasn't good. It was...um...monster---y, yes, monstery..." He sat down quickly and smoothed down his black shirt.

"I want to go next!" Meg screamed.

Ryan got onstage,"Well you're just gonna' have to wait, stupid, because this episode is over. It's been nine pages already damnit!"

Christine looked at him a little closer,"What are you talking about?"

"Um...well..." Ryan glanced around nervously, then started,"I'm not supposed to say anything, but all of this..." He waved around,"This is all set up by the narrator, who's actually the authoress! That audience isn't real! They're all ghosts! You see, about two years ago, the authoress held a seance, and contacted the people who died..."

Phantomphan cocked her head,"Which dead people?"

Ryan took a deep breath,"The dead people that she...oh...oh no..." He looked down at his shirt, only to see a red dot on his stomache, he looked up,"NO! No I'm not not a traitor! NOOOOOO!"

But it was too late...Ryan was pelted in the stomache with empty coca cola cans...

A/N: Sorry if any of you love Jessica Simpson...HAHA! Yeah right! I'm not sorry! And I never will be! I WANT ATLEAST THREE MORE REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER EIGHT! So review people!

Also! To you that want to send 'flamers.' I hate you all. Seriously, all you do is say 'This is horrible' or 'I don't like this, you're stupid' or (my personal favorite) 'Go burn in Hell.' Why? Why don't you like it? I mean really, are you such a dumbass you don't know why the Hell you don't like it? You know what? The next time anyone sends me a 'flame' without telling me WHY they don't like my phic, I'm going to make you look like an absolute MORON in the next chapter of this story. Oh, and grow up, and actually send it in a REVIEW. NOT in a personal message, if you don't want anybody else to read the SHIT you're sending me, then DON'T WRITE IT AT ALL. You bunches of frickin' idiots.

I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Well...not like that...but, you get it.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO.

Isn't that obvious? I mean really,

what's the point of these things?

They just waste space in the chapters.

I don't get it. I don't own anything as a

matter of fact! I'm a slave to a ghost who

expects me to share my room with him!

So to all you out there...S.O.S! To all of

you that have been wondering, I do own the

idea for Wonderbra, but not Fopman.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition #5

Erik and the Chocolate Box

"ME! I WANNA' GO!" Meg screamed.

Ryan was out because of strange can like marks on his stomache. So Phantomphan filled in for him,"Er...okay I guess." She said nervously.

"Oh jeez. What a wreck this is going to be..." Marcellina looked murderous all of a sudden.

Meg jumped onstage, and Phantomphan fell backwards,"WEEE!" Meg grabbed the microphone and started to sing her song:

_ "Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low  
According to all sources, the street's the place to go  
Cause tonight for the first time  
Just about half-past ten  
For the first time in history  
It's gonna start raining men. _

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get  
Absolutely soaking wet!  
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!  
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!  
Tall, blonde, dark and lean  
Rough and tough and strong and mean"

"Wow. Really?" Christine looked around until her eyes hit the window,"God Bless."

"God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too  
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do  
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky  
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy  
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!  
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!

I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin  
Hear the thunder / Don't you lose your head  
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too  
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do  
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky  
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy  
It's Raining Men! Yeah!

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low  
According to all sources, the street's the place to go  
Cause tonight for the first time  
Just about half-past ten  
For the first time in history  
It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!  
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!"

"AMEN!" Cried nearly every female member in the audience.

"Um...erg...j-judges?" Phantomphan asked.

Randy meowed, as he was sitting in Simon's lap.

"WOWTHATWASWONDERFUL!" Paula screamed.

Simon rolled his eyes,"I must tell you. Honestly. That wasn't the best performance we've had so far."

"Oh, really?" Meg challenged,"So I suppose 'Monster Mash' was the best anybody could do?"

Erik stood up,"HEY! My song was just fine!"

"Yeah!" Meg turned to him angrily,"Fine if you're singing to a dumpster!"

_ "Come with me, and you'll see, a world of imagination..."_

"What's with the perverted lyrics all of a sudden?" Christine asked Erik.

Erik turned to her,"Oh Christine. Don't you see? _A world of imagination?"_

"No." Christine answered simply.

Suddenly, Erik's cape turned a deep rich purple. His black, felt hat became tall and a pale orange. His nose became longer, and his mouth wider. Ayesha turned into an oompah loompah.

Erik took Christine and led her toward a two-way mirror that soon appeared on the stage,_"Come with me, and you'll see, a world of imagination. There you'll stay. In my, world of imagination." _Erik pulled out a chocolate box. "See, whoever wins, gets to take care of this ENTIRE chocolate box. Isn't that something?"

"No." Christine said.

Piangi made his way onto the stage,"I want some chocolate!" He started for the box,"I'm Augustus Piangi! Heehee!"

"I don't think so fatso." Erik pulled the chocolate box away from him. "Anybody else wanna' come?"

Raoul made his way onto the stage,"I want the part of that girl with the gum!"

"You mean the one who turns into a blueberry?" Christine asked.

Raoul clapped his hands together,"Yes! Her!" He put a wad of pre-chewed pink bubblegum into his mouth.

"I WAHNT AH PEERT TOOH!" Carlotta yelled.

Erik thought for a moment,"You can be that little rich snob that ends up falling through a hole and landing in a bunch of goosecrap!"

"GOOZE CRAHP! I WAHNT THEE BEEST PARHT!" Carlotta screeched.

Erik looked thoughtful for a moment,"Ummmm...nope. That's me, Erik Wonka, and my beautiful little Christine Bucket."

"WHIE DUZZ THAHT LEETEELE PRAHT GEET AHL ZEE ROLEZ!" Carlotta's desperate cries now sounded more like her 'singing.'

"O Shadow of God," Monsieur's Andre and Firmin comforted her,"It is because 'Charlie' and 'Christine' sound alike. So...shut the Hell up now. Or we'll shoot you with our M-16."

"Right. So who's gonna' be that little annoying cowboy thing?" Erik asked.

Marcellina jumped and bowed to Erik,"ME!" She screamed.

"Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy..." Erik said the word long and drawn-out. "Hehehehe...I always wanted to do that..." And with that they made their way into the mirror, followed by Ayesha the Oompah Loompah.

Three minutes later only Erik, Christine, and Ayesha came out,"What a bunch of 'wipes." Christine snatched the chocolate box from Erik,"This is mine. ALL mine." She sat down, and started to eat,"And there's none for you."

"Erm...ah...now who's going to sing?..." Phantomphan looked at all the empty chairs.

Nadir suddenly appeared,"Obviously me."

"WHAT!" Erik stood up,"You'll never catch me coppers! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And with that he climbed ontop of Christine's head and beat his chest,"OOO OOO AAAH AAAH!"

Nadir looked at him,"If you insist," He revved up some toy air planes and made them fly around Erik's head. Finally, one made contact with his wig, and made it go sailing off into the distance.

"NOOOO!" Erik fell off Christine's head and stay sprawled on the floor.

Christine took his cape,"Thank you, I needed a napkin," She said as she unceremoniously wiped her mouth with the black velvet. Then she threw it on top of him.

"Ummmm...er...ah...oog..." Phantomphan was very nervous.

Nadir looked at her,"Are you constipated?" He put a rubber glove on his right hand, and tied the bottom of the index finger with a rubber band,"Because I can ALWAYS take care of that..." He trailed off and started to cackle evilly.

Phantomphan's face drained of colour,"N-no...no thank you..."

"Okay then, I want to sing." Nadir made his way onto the stage. "If you please," He took the microphone away from Phantomphan. "Thank you."

Wait! Hey! You're too late to enter this competition! Only ten can be here now!

"Then I will be the tenth competitor." Nadir told the narrator/authoress/person who holds seances.

No! I'm the 'tenth competitor' as you so plainly put it.

Nadir pulled out the rubber glove,"If you're the one who is constipated, I can always j-"

NOO! No. Go ahead...be the the 'tenth competitor.' I'll go hold a seance with the ghost. He wants to find his mother. Maybe a seance isn't such a good idea actually...

"YAYY!" Nadir jumped onstage and took hold of the 'mike, and started to sing in aheavily accented voice...

_ "Yeah, once I was a boogie singer…playin' in a rock & roll band  
I never had no problems, yeah…burnin' down the one night stands  
And everything around me, yeah…got to start to feelin' so low  
And I decided quickly yes, I did…to disco down and check out the show _

Yeah, they were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'  
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right  
Play that funky music white boy  
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die…  
(hey,hey) till you die…yeah, yeah"

All of a sudden, Erik jumped onstage and started to play musik on a piano that suddenly appeared.

"Well, I tried to understand this…Yeah, huh, I thought that they were out of their minds  
How could I be so foolish, How could I…tonight's the hours, the one behind  
So still I kept on fightin'…Wow, loosin' every step of the way (Yeah, what'd you do?)  
I said, "I must go back there"Got to go back…and check to see if things still the same

Yeah, they were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'  
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right  
Play that funky music white boy  
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die…  
Till you die…(Yeah) Wow, till you die

(Come on…Play some electrified funky music)

Hey, wait a minute Now first it wasn't easy…changin' rock & roll and minds  
And things were getting shaky…I thought I'd have to leave it behind  
Oh, but now its so much better It's so much better…I'm funkin out in ev-er-y way  
But-I'll never lose that feelin' No I won't…Of how I learned my lesson that day

When they were dancin' and singin' and movin' to the groovin'  
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right  
Play that funky music white boy  
Lay down that boogie and play that funky music till you die…  
Till you die…oh, till you die

(They shouted, Play that funky music) Play that funky music  
(Play that funky music) Got to keep on…Play that funky music  
(Play that funky music) Pl--AY that funky music  
(Play that funky music) Wanna take ya higha now…

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right, yeah

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right

Play that funky music white boy  
Play that funky music right, yeah "

"Ummmm...wow..." Nobody said a thing, that is, until the audience started to throw tomatoes and coca cola cans at the two baffoons on stage. Namely, Nadir and Erik.

Christine walked onstage,"I guess I'll sing next..."

Phantomphan happily handed her the microphone, glad that she hadn't snatched it so rudely out of her hands and knock her backwards like everyone else did.

"Ahem...(GAGAG!)...okay...I'm ready...sort of..." Christine said, and everybody soon trudged out of the two way mirror. They looked soiled, disgusting, and because of this...Christine started to sing her song:

_ "I love myself  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me_

_ You're the one who makes me happy honey  
You're the sun who makes me shine  
When you're around I'm always laughing  
I want to make you mine_

_ I close my eyes  
And see you before me  
Think I would die  
If you were to ignore me  
A fop could see  
Just how much I adore you  
I get down on my knees  
I'd do anything for you_

_ I want you  
I don't want anybody else  
And when I think about you  
I touch myself"_

At first, everybody clapped politely, but then the shocking revelation of Christine's last line hit them.

"WHAT?" Erik jumped up,"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOUNG LADY!"

Christine whimpered,"I-I don't know..."

"DAMN THE MEDIA EFFECT!" Erik fled to the stage and held onto Christine's shoulders, then whispered quietly to her,"Who were you talking about when you sang those lyrics?"

"I don't know." Christine answered with her big deer eyes.

"Why did you sing that?"

"I don't know."

"What were you thinking when you chose that song?"

"I don't know."

"Where you gone from the senses when you sang that song?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know anything?"

"I don't know."

Okay, so next time are the Old Dudes of the Opera. See ya' next time!_  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Do I have to waste my

time typing it? Damn it...okay, I

don't own POTO. It belongs to

a dead dude.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition # 6

I want a cool rapper name, too!

"Why not?" Raoul whined.

Christine looked down, trying to shove the giggles back down her throat,"Raoul, you're a moron, but...that's just..."

"But I want a cool rapper name!" Raoul complained,"There's Eminem, 50 Cent, LL Cool J...I even know a guy that calls himself Skittles!"

"I understand, but the name YOU want is...it's just...it's YOU..." Christine couldn't hold back the laughter that much longer anymore.

Raoul stomped his shiny black shoe onto the ground,"Peanut is a cool rapper name! I want everyone to call me PEANUT!"

"Heheheheheheheh...hello, monsieur 'Peanut.'" Erik walked in all of a sudden, and sat down, twiddling with a small glass figurine.

Christine looked at the figurine,"What is that?"

"Um...eh..." Erik stuffed it in one of the many pockets of his cape,"...nothing..." He trailed off nervously.

"See! Someone appreciates my generosity...er...genes...um...what's that word about how smart something is?" Raoul asked Christine.

Christine looked at him like he was an idiot...oh...wait...that's how she always looked at him,"'Genius'?"

"Yeah! That word!" Raoul looked rather proud of himself in that moment...or should I say...'Peanut' was rather proud of himself in that moment?

"Hello! I'm Minnie Mouse!" A black thing came toward them. "Come with me! To meet Walt Disney!"

Raoul grabbed onto Christine and Erik,"AAAAAAAAA!" He screamed like a little girl.

Then everything went black.

"We're back, and so am I!" Ryan cheered. "Here we are with...drum roll please?"

Someone started to thud two large objects on the back of someone's head, causing a sort of drumroll sound.

"Erik's Managers!" Ryan crab-walked to the side as Andre and Firmin, dressed in weird punk-emo clothes appeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Are you all ready?" Andre asked.

The crowd cheered.

"Okay!" The two managers each had a microphone that was shaped like Mickey Mouse.

Ryan jumped back onstage,"Wait...before we begin, what are you going to sing?" He asked.

"Oh...well. This nice little song called 'Ice Ice Baby'..." Andre began.

Firmin finished for him,"...By Vanilla Ice..."

"You know he was actually-" Andre started.

Firmin went on,"...A lynchsinger-"

"...who got caught in the middle of a performance-" Andre almost finished the sentence.

But Firmin finished the thought for him,"...And then he lost practically all his fans..."

"Ummm...Okay..." Rya backed away slowly,"That was creepy..."

Andre smiled,"Yes-"

"...I know..." Firmin smiled too.

Then they started to sing their song:

_"Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby  
All right stop, Collaborate and listen  
Ice is back with my brand new invention  
Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly  
Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know  
Turn off the lights and I'll glow  
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal  
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle. _

Dance, Bum rush the speaker that booms  
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom"

"Trust me. I know..." Madame Giry muttered.

_  
"Deadly, when I play a dope melody  
Anything less than the best is a felony  
Love it or leave it, You better gain way  
You better hit bull's eye, The kid don't play  
If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it _

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Now that the party is jumping  
With the bass kicked in, the Vegas are pumpin'  
Quick to the point, to the point no faking  
I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon  
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble  
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal  
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo  
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo  
Rollin' in my 5. 0  
With my ragtop down so my hair can blow  
The girlies on standby, Waving just to say Hi  
Did you stop? No - I just drove by  
Kept on pursuing to the next stop  
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block  
That block was dead

Yo - so I continued to A1A Beachfront Ave.  
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis"

Andre and Firmin pointed to Meg as they said these words. Meg became flushed and tried to cover her less-than-bikini dressed self.

_  
"Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis  
Jealous 'cause I'm out geting mine  
Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine  
Reading for the chumps on the wall  
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of 'Eight Ball'"_

Meg was confused,"What does that mean?" She asked her mother.

"I don't know. Now shut up, and put some clothes on." Madame Giry was half asleep as she said these wise words to her daughter.

_  
"Gunshots ranged out like a bell  
I grabbed my nine - All I heard were shells  
Falling on the concrete real fast  
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas  
Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed  
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack  
Police on the scene, You know what I mean  
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends  
If there was a problem, You, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it _

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet  
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it  
My town, that created all the bass sound  
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground  
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill  
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel  
Conducted and formed, This is a hell of a concept  
We make it hype and you want to step with this  
Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja  
Cut like a razor blade so fast, Other DJs say, "damn"  
If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram  
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose  
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice  
If there was a problem, Yo - I'll solve it!  
Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it.

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Yo man - Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!

Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold  
Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold"

"Um...wow..." Phantomphan was soon sitting next to Atomic Scribble and Marcellina,"Hey guys...thank God I missed most of that..."

Atomic Scribble turned to her,"Hey! Where were you?"

Phantomphan's face scrunched up...like a little chow chow...hehehe. Sorry Phantomphan...She spoke,"I got a tip from the Goofy-Meister that Erik, Christine, and Raoul have been captured by Walt with the help of the mice."

"Oh. Really?" Marcellina thought for a moment,"I hope he tortures Raoul."

Phantomphan glared at Marcellina for only a moment before she hopped up onto the stage,"I just want everyone to know I got a message from Walt himself." She pulled out a package and pulled a little stuffed animal of Donald Duck,"He sent THE message. Raoul is sleeping with the Ducks."

"What does it all mean?" Atomic Scribble interjected,"Mice, Ducks, Dogs...what's next? A boy who never wants to grow up, and thinks he can fly?"

"Not sure, but we better go check it out." Phantomphan concluded.

And with that, Phantomphan and Marcellina started to head toward Disney World on foot, while Atomic Scribble went on her hoverboard, the other two cursing at her madly.

Ryan walked onstage,"Judges?" He asked.

"Wow." Simon said to the two managers,"And not in a good way either."

"ITHOUGHTITWASMARVELOUS!" Paula screamed.

"So...who next..?" Ryan asked the little group.

Carlotta spoke up,"ME WEEL GOO NEEXT!" She walked onto the stage, followed by two devotees who were actually giving her the middle finger behind her back.

"Oh...okay..." Ryan suddenly wanted to be back in the hospital, a hot little male doctor checking out the strange Coca Cola can marks on his stomache.

All of a sudden, a little male doctor, wearing a cowboy hat walked in,"Rya?" He asked.

Ryan got a tear in his eye,"Missie?"

Suddenly, the Brokeback Mountain song started to float from the speakers in the auditorium, and for some strange enexplicable reason, the audience started to cry unbelievably.

Meg took one of Erik's many wigs out of her shorty-short pocket and sneezed into it,"It's so...so gay! But s-so...gay and...waitaminute...this is wrong...no! Wait Stop!" She flung the wig away, and it hit an audience member in the face.

"OOOMMMMMGGGG!" The spectator screamed.

Carlotta stomped a foot,"HALLO! WUT AHBOUT ME?"

The audience started to stuff earplugs and Madame Giry even attempted to put a sock in her ear. Sadly, this attempt failed, but it did cause the earplugs to be stuck into her ears, widening the ear canals a little bit.

Carlotta smiled her evil frog smile,"ME WEEL BE-AH SANGING I GOT A MAN BY POSITIVE K! IT'S DEDICATED TO THE PHANTOM AND THAT TOAD CHREESTEENE AND MY SWEET PIANGI!" She started to sing, and everybody took the earplugs out of their ears.

A song dedicated partly to Erik and Christine? This has gotta' be good...

**_"No it's not that see you don't understand  
How should I put it, I got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I told ya  
I'm not tryin to hear that see  
I'm not one of those girls that go rippin around  
I'm not a dog baby, so don't play me like a clown  
I'll admit, I like how you kick it  
Now you're talkin baby, dats da ticket  
Now don't get excited and chuck your own in  
I already told ya, I got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that see  
I got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that  
Now you can persist to play Don Juan all day"_**

"Man. I'm happy I'm taping this!" Meg shouted gleefully. She had learned how to use a video camera in Disney World, and had stole one from an audience member.

"How do you know how to use that?" Madame Giry asked her.

Meg turned,"Well. I met this guy in Epcot at the French Restauraunt, and-" She flushed,"...never mind..."

_**  
"But ain't nothin gonna change  
Yeah baby, sure you're right  
I'ma break it down and do whatever I gots to do  
I tell you know, I got eyes for you"**_

"So that's why she's jealous of Christine!" Meg exclaimed.

_**  
"You got eyes, but they not for me  
You better use them for what they for and that's to see  
You know what's the problem, ya not used to learnin  
I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman  
I got a question to ask you troop  
Are you a chef, cause you keep feedin me soup  
You know what they say about those who sweat thyself  
You might find yourself, by yourself  
I'm not waitin because I'm no waiter  
So when I blow up, don't try to kick it to me later  
All them girls must got you gassed  
A-when they see a good thing they don't let it pass  
Well that's OK, cause see if that's their plan  
Cause for me, I already got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that see  
I got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that  
What am I, some crab inmate  
that just came home from jail sweatin you for a date?  
I don't want no beef, I just wants to get together  
But how you talkin, pssssh, whatevah!  
We can't have nothin  
It all depends  
Well if we can't be lovers than we can't be friends  
Well then I guess it's nothing  
Well hey I think you're bluffing  
Well I'ma call my man  
Well I can get raggamuffin  
Ya better catch a flashback remember I'm not crabbin it  
You know my style, from I'm Not Havin It  
All I remember's an excuse me miss  
You can't get a guy like me with a line like this  
Well look I'll treat you good  
My man treats me better  
I talk sweet on the phone  
My man writes love letters  
I'll tell you that I want you, and tell you that I care  
My man says the same except he's sincere  
Well I'm clean cut and dapper, that's what I'm about  
My man buys me things and he takes me out  
Well you can keep your man, cause I don't go that route  
Don't you know yu haffa respeck me  
There's a lot of girls out there who won't say no  
You're out for mami with your DJ Money  
Boom batter my pockets is gettin fatter  
I wanna turn you on and excite you  
Let me know the spot on your body and I bite you  
So when your man don't treat you like he used to  
I kick in like a turbo booster  
You want lovin you don't have to ask when  
Your man's a headache, I'll be your aspirin  
All confusion, you know I'll solve em  
I got a man  
You got a what?  
How long you had that problem?  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that see  
I got a man  
What's your man got to do with me?  
I got a man  
I'm not tryin to hear that  
I got a man  
Aiyyo baby put the dial numbers or your address  
I got a man  
I told ya I treat you right  
I got a man  
Aww c'mon now ain't no future in frontin  
I'm not havin it  
C'mon Miss, oh we back on that again  
Uhh, I'm not tryin to hear that see  
I got a man  
But your man ain't me  
Uhh, uhh, I got a man  
You got a WHAT?  
Uhh, uhh, uhh, I got a man  
You got a WHAT?" **_

Meg turned the video camera off, happy with her tape. Wait until she showed to Christine AND Erik!

"So...basically..." Simon started,"You were calling yourself a man, that's gay and has another man, but you're after this other man...who just so happens to be the Phantom in real life?"

Carlotta froze for a moment,"WHIE DOO YOO HAVIE TO MACK IT SOUND-AH SOO BAHD?"

A/N: ATLEAST THREE MORE REVIEWS OR NO CHAPTER TEN! I'm going to put all of my 'PM' flamers in the next few chapters...Mickey Mouse Cult...hehehehe...I'm going to make you guys look like such assholes for not critiquing my story the way you're supposed to...hahahaha...


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO.

It belongs to the Leroux dude.

I'm so jealous.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Audition #7

Shouldn't you use a map?

"Okay...so...who's going to start off the competition today?" Ryan asked.

Madame Giry walked slowly onto the stage.

Veeeerrrryyyyy veeerrrrryyyy sssllllooooowwwllllyyyyy...

"I will sing." The French said defiantly.

Ryan had an evil gleam in his eye...why?..."What will you be singing, madame?"

"Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas." She said, then started:

_"Everybody was kung-fu fighting  
Those cats were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit frightning  
But they fought with expert timing"_

"You're kidding me..." Meg said, video taping the whole performance for Christine to see. 

"They were funky China men from funky Chinatown  
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down  
It's an ancient Chineese art and everybody knew their part  
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting  
Those cats were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit frightning  
But they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung  
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on  
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand  
The sudden motion made me skip now we're into a brand knew trip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting  
Those cats were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit frightning  
But they did it with expert timing

(repeat)..make sure you have expert timing  
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning"

"Well. That was embarrassing to me, and it has shamed my entire family for generations to come." Meg stopped the video camera.

Simon didn't even wait for Ryan to start,"What was that. It was bad. It was embarrassing. Sit down."

"WELLITHOUGHTITWASPRETTYGOOD!" Paula yelled.

"MROW!" Randy meowed. He wasn't talking to Madame Giry though. He was talking to Ayesha, who promptly scratched him across the face.

"Okay...next...?..." Ryan questioned, looking from one fat man to another...er...I mean...from Piangi to Juan Valdez...

Meanwhile...

"It's over there!" Phantomphan pointed to the huge hovering Tower of Terror.

Atomic Scribble looked at it,"Inside there?"

"Yep." Phantomphan started toward the tower.

Marcellina crossed her arms,"Shouldn't you use a map?"

"Nah." Phantomphan waved a hand at her,"All we need to do is follow the tower, and we'll be there in no time at all."

"I don't know Phannie...that's a little too risky, don't you think?" Marcellina asked.

"Phannie!" Atomic Scribble piped up.

Hehehehe...I'm gonna' have fun with this one...'Phannie' spoke,"No...trust me. I have an internal compass."

"How'd you get it in?" Atomic Scribble asked.

Marcellina handed 'Phannie' a map,"I'm telling you to use the ma-"

But instead of looking at the map, 'Phannie' crumpled it up and threw it behind her where it hit a bush and burst into flames.

"Behold! The burning bush!" Atomic Scribble pointed at the burning bush.

A little boy and his mother were just passing by. "Mommy! Look! Is that daddy's new 'friend'?" He asked, pointing at the burning bush.

"What makes you think that?" The mother looked at her boy.

The little boy shrugged his shoulders,"Well. Daddy says his 'friend' is hot, and that bush burns with the intensity of one thousand Gerard Butlers', so I just figured..."

"Hmmmm...nooo...If that bush burned with the intensity of one thousand Gerard Butlers, then that would be considered as nuclear power," The little boy's mother explained to him.

A few branches fell off the bush, and soon the fire was put out. The bush was now just a pile of gray ashes.

"But yes, that actually might be your not-so-biological father's new 'friend,'" She went on to say.

"Look! We're so close!" 'Phannie' was so close to the Tower. She saw it right in front of her! If only they could climb over that annoying wall...wait...wall?...

Marcellina fell to her knees, tugging at her hair,"YOU LEAD US TO A WALL!"

"Ooooooo!" Atomic Scribble looked at Marcellina and 'Phannie' glaring at eachother,"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FI-!"

Marcellina and 'Phannie' were now glaring at Atomic Scribble.

"Eep!..." Atomic Scribble walked away.

Yes. It was true. Right in front of the tower where Phannie had lead them was a huge wall. A wall that you could barely look over.

Marcellina crossed her arms,"What is this!"

"It's a wall." Said Phannie.

"AGH! I KNOW THAT!" Marcellina yelled,"But why is it here!"

"Don't you know...?..." Atomic Scribble appeared beside her,"It's the Great Wall of MGM. How did you NOT know that?"

Marcellina grabbed the girl by the collar,"YOU KNEW WE WERE WALKING TO A WALL ALL THIS TIME, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY A WORD!"

"Of course." Atomic Scribble said as Marcellina put her down,"It was fun to see you two moron's get lost."

Anyway...

"So...who...?" Ryan looked from Piangi to the Angel of Coffee.

Finally the Angel got up,"Eye wheel goo nerd."

Trans: I will go next

"Eat easy apple sung toward eye search off make ukelele," He told the audience.

Trans: It is a song that I sort of made up.

"Okay...just sing the song..." Ryan walked away.

Meg looked to her mom,"Is his English getting worse?"

"Hmph." Madame Giry took a swig of pure, 100 percent alcohol,"Is that possible?"

And with that the Columbian started to sing:

_"Past the point of drinking Columbian coffee..."_

Everybody cringed as Juan Valdez whipped off his poncho to reveal a pair of super tight pants, a black tail-coat, and a see through white ruffled shirt.

_"No use acting cranky..._

_The American Coffee you've drank 'till now has come to an end..._

_Past all thought of 'Why not?' or 'Donkey's'..._

_Abandon thought..._

_And let the drinking of the Columbo. coffee begin..."_

"NNOOOOO!" Meg battered Juan Valdez with Madame Giry's alcohol bottle, then looked into the video camera lens. "Tee hee! Wish you were here helping me, Christine!" Then she went back to battering Juan Valdez.

Simon sat back,"Meg has taken action as to what I wanted to happen. Nothing else to say here."

"AWW!WHYDIDYOUSTOPHIM?THATWASGREAT!" Paula screeched.

Piangi flew to the stage,"I will go next...but on one condition!"

"What now?" Ryan was ready to go to sleep and cuddle up to his...eh...let's just go on with the chapter...

The big man stuck out his stomache more(if that was possible)"I want to have a life-times supply of...BUTTERFINGERS!"

"What? Are you joking?" Ryan looked at Piangi as if he had gone mad.

Piangi pouted (eww...) "No!"

"Ugh." Ryan covered his face for a moment with his hand,"Fine. A life-time supply of butterfingers..."

"YAY!" Piangi jumped up and down,"Okay! Now I'll sing! I will be singing The Opening Barney lyrics!"

Ryan looked at him,"Barney...the purple dinosaur?...no...no...this is too much...no..."

"Yes! I shall sing it the way it is suposed to be sung! And then the way I want to sing it!" Piangi yelled and started to sing:

_"Barney is a dinosaur!"_

A few moments of silence.

"That's it?" Meg asked.

"Yes. But now I will sing it the way I would have if I were making the show...which I should have been..." Piangi sang it HIS way then. Very long and drawn out in the Piangi way:

_"BAAAAAARRRRRRNNNNNEEEEYYYY! ISSSSSS! AAAAAA! DDDDIIIIIINNNNNOOOOOSSSSAAAAUUUURRRR!"_

"Um...wow..." Was all that came from Paula. Her gas tank was obviously going empty.

"Ahem..." Simon leaned forward in his chair and everybody groaned as they waited for critique on Piangi's performance,"Now..I don't want to be mean or anything..."

"Heh. Yeah right." Meg held the camera a little bit higher to get a better view.

Simon started,"Now. Is the reason you sang that line because you can IDENTIFY with Barney in anyway?"

Piangi looked down at the purple and green spotted suit he donned,"Eh...no..."

"Are you sure?" Simon asked.

"Si."

"Because...you know...maybe you need a few moments to think about it..."

"No."

"Really?"

"Si."

"Erm...okay..." Simon sat back in his seat and smiled to himself as he twiddled his thumbs.

"Okay! Well! I guess that's really everybody!" Ryan shouted,"So now we'll announce the final eight!"

Meg cocked her head,"Already? What about votes?"

"We already voted." Ryan said.

"When?"

"The Authoress interviewed her POTO obsessed fans at school and got their opinion," Ryan smiled,"So here we go!"

1.) Erik-Because who doesn't want to hear Erik sing more Monster Mash?

"I sure as Hell don't." Said one audience member.

2.) Christine-Because my friends want to see some EC action, except there is no way in this lifetime or the next that they're getting it.

"NIIIIII!" Meg screamed.

Don't you mean 'NOOO!'?

"Um...yes...wait...no...maybe...are you trying to confuse me on purpose?" Meg made sure she had the video camera turned off at that moment.

3.) Meg-I really don't understand why everybody likes her. The songs I force her to sing aren't that funny.

"They're not?" Meg started to sob,"I can always sing Mariah Carey!"

No. Please...don't.

4.) Raoul-I don't get it either, so don't even ask me about this one.

5.)Carlotta-Notice how Raoul and Carlotta are right next to eachother...herm...I wonder...

"'Herm'?" Meg asked.

6.) The Managers-Huh.

7.) Nadir-Come on people. Get realistic.

8.) Piangi-Woah. Really?

Juan Valdez and Madame Giry looked around.

"That's it for us?" Madame Giry asked.

Oh no. The Angel of Coffee will be back to give coffee, but no more songs from him. Madame Giry...gone...hahahahahaha...

Next time we meet, we will be in...HOLLYWOOD! Yep. The POTO cast will meet...Gerard Butler!

A/N: REVIEW! (Cough) That is all I have to say for now. By the way, the 'Flamer Cult' (as I like to think of them) are coming soon, promise. They are all the 'flamers' that annoyed me at school or in PM's, and didn't give me reasons to their flaming. So...now I'm going to make them look like bastards. Bravo to me.


	11. Butlers Galore PT 1

Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Phantom of the Opera.'

It belongs to Gaston Leroux. Also, I don't own myself.

I belong to a part-Philipino half-midget who is crazy.

So please. If anyone's out there. Save me.

Phantom of the Opera

American Idol Style

By: Janx Spirit

Butlers Galore

Part One

"What is this? Where am I?" Erik complained as he woke up.

Everyone else on the plane also jolted awake, terribly scared by the strange man with the mask and the long black cape, "We're still on the plane..." One of them answered nervously.

"Did I ask you for your opinion?!" The phantom barked at the man, rising from his seat a bit only to have Raoul wrap his arms tighter around Erik's leg, "Have you been like that this whole time, you idiot?! It's just a plane you moron. There's nothing to be scared about!"

Raoul whimpered like a lost puupy, "But whenever we go somewhere else, those three scary girls always magically transport us there! Why couldn't they do that this time?" His pink mascara was running allover his face and he wrapped himself around Erik's legs even tighter (if that were possible) as more women sitting in the seats beside them licked there lips and smiled viciously at him.

"'Magical'...You are the biggest idiot I've ever met! They didn't 'magically transport' us...they drove us in their cars!" Yelled the phantom angrily, as he tried to pry Raoul's fingers from around his legs.

It didn't work though, and Raoul only began to dig his manicured nails into the black pants cloth, "'Car'? You liar. You're always just lying to me, aren't you? Like that time you told me Christine would be overjoyed to see me wearing one of her dresses. And then she had a bunch of these ballet girls attack me. And one of them even scratched my beautiful face! We're all going to die!"

At this, everyone in the plane began to gasp in utmost horror, really believing what Raoul was saying, "Shut up! We are not going to die!" With that Erik screamed in pain as he finally ripped Raoul's hands from his legs then grabbed him by the shoulders, hoisted him up, and began to shake him roughly, "Get a grip on yourself, man!"

Suddenly Maria made her way out of the captain's cabin, "Hey, everybody! Calm down! We are not going to die, we just have some retards that don't know how to contain themselves. And speaking of those retards: Get. A. Room. Seriously. I know you two want eachother, but can't you wait until we get to the hotel? Jeez." With that said, she spun around and made her way back to the captain.

The phantom's eyes blazed with anger-

"Now that's just silly. How can someone's eyes 'blaze with anger'? Wouldn't that hurt?" Interjected Meg who was sitting next to the narrator, as she had wanted the window seat.

Anyway. The phantom was pretty damn mad about what Maria said, so he quickly pulled his punjab lasso out of his cape.

Raoul snorted, "How can he carry that thing in his _cape_? Does it have some mysterious pockets in it?"

Alright, already! The phantom was angry and had his punjab lasso and he went to go kill Maria.

"Yeah, but then wouldn't he be-"

For some strange reason everyone on the plane suddenly dropped dead, except for Erik and Maria, because Erik was angry, had his punjab lasso, and was out for blood. He strode over to the captain's quarters and opened the door only to see Bella flying the plane, and Donna curled into a little ball on the floor, fast asleep.

"Wait...what? Where's the captain? And where's that annoying little blonde slut?" Erik asked.

Bella turned to him, "I'm the captain, no freakin' duh. And Meg is sitting right next to the narrator, didn't you see her?"

"Do you even have a license to fly this thing?!"

No answer.

"Oh, great. We really are all going to die!" He turned to leave and tell the others (mainly Christine) but Maria had already locked the door behind him and had her arms stretched over it, "What do you think you're doing, little girl? Move out of my way."

The blonde shook her head rapidly, her blonde curls flying everywhere, "Oh, no. I don't think so buddy. I've wanted to go see Gerard Butler ever since 'The Phantom of the Opera' and '300' movies came out, and you are not going to stop me. We couldn't get a pilot to take us to Hollywood. So we had to hi-jack a plane. And we might go to jail, but getting the chance to be near Gerard Butler's ass? Totally worth it." Bella, and even the sleeping Donna, hummed in agreement.

"You hi-jacked this plane?! You're mad! And that's really something, coming from me!" Erik pushed Maria out of the way and tried to open the door, but saw that it had been welded shut, "When did you have the time to do this?!"

Maria stood up, "When you were talking to Bella, isn't that obvious?"

"B-but...we barely..." He turned to look at the tiny girl, "You're fast."

She smiled wickedly, "I know."

"Me, too." Donna said in her sleep.

* * *

"Hm...I wonder why the plane is shaking..." Christine said, mostly to herself, as she gripped onto the sides of her seat a bit more tightly, the plane shaking from side to side violently.

Raoul stumbled by with a bag stuck over his head, "We're all going to die!"

"Hm...now that would kind of suck..." Christine said, mostly to herself, "Hey, Nadir? Where's Erik?"

The Persian turned to her, not showing the slightest bit of emotion, "I've no idea. The last I saw of him, he was fighting with Raoul. Then the narrator killed us off. Then she brought us back and now he's gone. I think he went to the captain's, though." He then picked up his 'National Geographic' and went back to reading as all around him people were screaming and jumping out of the windows.

_Well...guess I'd better go see what's going on..._ Christine stood up, only to fall back as the plane suddenly tilted on it's side.

"Oh...no!!" Raoul screamed loudly, holding onto the seats as the plane completely flipped upside down.

Carlotta yelled, too, "WHAT THEE HEEL EEZ GO EENG ON HERE? WHY AHM I UPSIDE DOWN, EH?"

"Everybody! Calm down!" Donna said as she made her way out of the captain's quarters, "It's all okay. We're just having a bit of a tiff as to how this plane should be run, okay?"

A scream came from behind her and Bella came running out beside Donna. Her dark hair was coming off in patches, and her black-rimmed glasses hung off to one side, "What...Donna! How did you open that door?! Maria welded it shut!" Everyone turned as best as they could to stare, wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the girl.

"'Welded shut'?! What is going on? Where's the captain?! I want to speak to the captain!" Nadir yelled and a loud chorus of agreement followed his words.

Donna and Bella began to back away into the captain's cabin, "'Captain'? You want to speak to the captain. Okay. We'll get the captain..."

They slammed the door closed behind them and began to grab random items and block it. Then they turned to see that they were still upside down. Then Bella turned to see Donna get sick allover the ceiling...or floor...whatever. Then they turned to see that the ground was becoming very close indeed. Then they turned to see Erik strangling Maria. Then they turned to see a little red light that said 'You're screwed' blinking on and off. Then they turned to see the passengers angry faces staring at them. Then they turned to see Maria dead on the floor. Then they turned to see the narrator and Erik pointing at the dead body and laughing uncontrollably. Then they turned to see the passengers raising a bunch of pitchforks and torches towards them. Then everything went black.

* * *

A/N: How long has it been since I updated. Oh, okay. Only two years. No big deal, then. So we're still going to Hollywood, even though it's been two years. I was going to give up on this story, but yesterday I checked my mailbox and saw a review for it, a really nice review, from BertTheGnome. So I decided: what the Hell? I re-read this story and absolutely hate it because of my limited writing skills back then, but I'm not re-doing it. Hell no. So you're all just going to have to deal with the lame suckiness that the first ten chapters are.

Also, I'm not sure if I'm still allowed to use AtomicScribble, Phantomphan1992, and Marcellina in my story. So unless I'm given permission from them, I'm currently on the lookout for new recruits to defeat Walt Disney. If you'd like to be one of these 'lucky' people, just send a small description of yourself in your review, along with the type of weapon you'd like to use to find Walt, and any shout-outs you may have for all of the readers of this story. Though, please, I emphasize the words 'small description.' I do not want to be stuck reading a paragraph description about your eyes alone. However, it would actually be sort of neat to find someone that could write a paragraph about their eyes alone. So here's the deal:

If you can write a full, six to seven sentence, well written paragraph about your eyes, or any other body part for that matter, then I'll still stick you somewhere in the story. Good luck.

Until next time,

Sexy Bitch.


End file.
